Weirdo and Weirdo
by wedgegeck
Summary: Once upon a time there was a lady with serious anger management issues who did not know she was a weirdo. One day, while going about her weird business, she happened to meet a guy who was DEFINITELY a weirdo. Despite her best intentions, a moving love story unfolded as a result. Too bad the guy has terrible taste in video games. Saitama x Tatsumaki
1. Threat Level Tiger

**Weirdo and Weirdo**

 **Chapter 1: Threat Level Tiger**

* * *

City B was in peril. If the giant had not been spotted by chance from a tour company helicopter, there would have been almost no warning. Three A-class heroes had been brushed aside as the titan strode through the suburbs, and only the insane ramblings of the monster's companion kept it from being an immediate defeat.

Instead, it took a few minutes of monologuing first.

Hundreds of thousands were in immediate danger. The whole city might be destroyed.

In the end, the Hero Association had no one powerful enough nearby. There was a whole world to safeguard after all, with a hundred crises a day to solve, and very few heroes had even a hope of matching this threat. In City A the Association's leadership, lacking options, decided to play their trump card.

Fortunately for them, the trump card in question happened to be on site harassing the staff about her last assignment. It took only a moment to bring up live video of the incident. The hero watched as a whole swathe of the city was torn apart by a single blow of the monster's fist, and missiles fired from military aircraft caused no damage even with direct hits.

As the control room staff looked on, horrified by the spectacle, the hero's eyes showed a glimmer of interest, and maybe a little bit of excitement. No one noticed, though, as the hero's next words were almost reassuring, being precisely what they expected to hear.

"This had better be worth my time."

….

Thirty-eight thousand feet up, the S-class rank 2 hero, Senritsu no Tatsumaki, was feeling cautiously optimistic. This stupid looking giant might actually be worth fighting! It wasn't that she didn't like saving people, or was totally selfish, or anything like that.

She was just bored.

There had been a time when opponents were challenging, and she had had to use all her cunning and strength to defeat them. She understood how cruel the world could be, and she was determined to make sure that she could fight back. Tatsumaki knew the truth: no one was coming to save her. Thus, she learned to save herself.

It was an amazing feeling.

Or it had been, anyway. These days she was basically untouchable. She hadn't actually been harmed by a demon level threat in… well… long enough that she couldn't remember. Even the rare dragon level threats weren't a substantial challenge. She just crushed them.

Although half the time she thought the Association fools were just kicking up the threat level to get her hopes up.

Pride in herself had now become scorn for others.

These days Tatsumaki was either frustrated, bored, or disappointed. Her sister made her angry, the Association made her angry, the other S-class heroes made her angry, and the lower ranks made her furious. Even civilians got on her nerves, alternately complaining that there was too much damage or fawning all over her.

It was getting to the point that the only strong emotion she felt was anger. Even the self-satisfaction of being powerful was losing its luster. Everything else was… fading away.

 _Have I lost something essential?_ Tatsumaki reflected as she flew. She shook her head in resignation. _So what if I have? I'm strong, strong enough to never lose again. There's nothing I can do to change things now. Just have to wait and hope for something good to come along._

She did not expect that it would.

Nearing her target area, the Esper let herself enter free fall and watched idly as she broke the cloud layer. Beneath her was the metropolis of City B, in worse shape than she had seen it from the Association control room, with a new crater about the size of a stadium. The giant was ludicrously tall, still standing, and appeared to be enraged.

Encouraging.

Tatsumaki accelerated with an audible crack of the air around her.

She was only a few hundred meters away, contemplating how to start, when she noted with some irritation that the damn giant hadn't noticed her. She was a beautiful woman wearing a sexy dress with heels, flying in a nimbus of green power, and she had definitely made some noise after breaking the cloud layer, but the thing was not looking her way. In fact, it was yelling at some bald weirdo wearing a yellow suit, red gloves, and a cape.

It was only because she was paying careful attention to the weirdo, since he was monopolizing her current assignment, that she was able to see exactly what happened next. The man leapt a few hundred meters straight into the air and threw a nonchalant punch at the titan's face.

And then it left the ground, flying outside the city with its head completely blown apart. Her brain froze for a moment, unable to accept the insane display she had just witnessed, but what caught her out was the loud voice of the bald weirdo.

"Overwhelming strength… is boring."

He was expressionless. Empty, even. She just floated there for a long moment, before the man simply turned and started walking away. She shook her head, noted that the giant wasn't twitching, regenerating, or shouting about his final form, and flew down to the bald guy.

Closer up he looked pretty nice, pleasant she supposed, but the obvious boredom just made him look tired. Like he was waiting in line at a supermarket instead of fighting a giant monster. He did perk up a bit when he noticed her, though.

"Huh. I didn't know little girls could fly. Pretty cool."

"I'm 28 years old, jackass!" Tatsumaki's face twisted in rage at the remark, before she caught herself. "Wait…" she said, puzzled, "You don't know who I am?"

"Nope," he replied, shrugging. "Sorry about the age thing. Still, really cool that you can fly. Can you do anything else?"

"Yeah, well, I'm an Esper. I can crush anything with my mind, telekinetically manipulate objects… Hey! I'm getting off track here. You really don't know who I am?"

The bald man shook his head. "Who are you?"

Now honestly perplexed, Tatsumaki was finding it hard to get mad. "Senritsu no Tatsumaki. S-class hero, rank 2." Not a glimmer of recognition on his face. "Who are you?"

"Ah, Saitama. Just a guy who's a hero for fun."

"What?"

Just as she was about to follow up on that incredible remark, the baldy was unwittingly saved by the sound of a phone ringing.

"Damn it. Just a second, ok?" Tatsumaki fished out her phone and answered it. "What do you want? I'm busy here."

"Ms. Tatsumaki, err, is the threat defeated? We saw on the satellite image that—"

"Yeah, yeah, it's dead or whatever. Some random bald guy killed it in one hit. Don't call me again today." So saying, she hung up the phone and looked back at Saitama. "What do you mean, a hero for fun? I've never heard of you."

Now the guy actually began displaying some emotion: shock. "What? Seriously? I've killed tons of villains! I've taken out countless monsters and criminal organizations! I've never heard of anyone who has done anything like that!"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Uh, I have. I kill monsters and stuff all the time. I'm an S-class hero." She paused, then raised her voice in anger. "I'm an S-class hero! I'm the best! Who the hell are you anyway? What was with that punch? What rank are you, baldy?"

"Baldy!? Hey Takoyaki, that was uncalled for. I'm just doing this for fun you know, and this has not been a good day for me—"

"It's Tatsumaki! Tatsumaki you moron! Now what rank are you, and why aren't you in S-class if you can beat that stupid thing in one hit?"

"What are you talking about?" He looked honestly confused now. "What rank? I'm just a hero."

"You… you don't know about the Hero Association?"

"Huh? The what?"

The scene was silent for a moment.

"Oh my god."

….

She tried to make the explanation as short as possible, since she hated wasting time. The baldy — _Saitama_ , she reminded herself — seemed to appreciate her brevity. Plus the offer of actual pay.

"So anyway, you have to come with me to the main Association building so we can get this straight. You need to be registered and paid for this stuff. Plus you're way stronger than most of the weaklings running around pretending to be heroes. Anyway, let's go."

"Go? Like right now?"

"Yes now! You need to get the credit for this stupid giant guy, not me, and keep in mind that I am doing you a huge favor here." She crossed her arms and huffed.

"Well," he said, rubbing the back of his head, "thanks then. I appreciate it, Tatsu."

Since he sounded so sincere, she decided to let it slide.

For now.

"Ok, get ready." She enveloped herself in her psychic aura and did the same to him, and they took to the air.

Or at least she did.

"What the hell?" She strained, finally getting him to float. "How heavy are you? What's the deal?"

"Uh, about 70 kilos. Why?" He looked interested again to see her flying.

The Esper looked at him, then turned around. An enormous mound of concrete and rebar debris, the remains of a highway overpass it seemed, glowed green and flew straight up, then eventually disappeared from view. It did not come down again. Then she turned back, tried to lift him, and got the same result as the first time.

"What is with this guy…" she muttered.

"Hey, you can just fly or whatever. I'll run there if you give me the address." He pulled out a phone and glanced expectantly.

She stared at him, incredulous.

"Sure," she said finally. "Sure. Meet you there, then."

At least she had his phone number now.

….

They arrived at the same time. Tatsumaki was honestly trying not to think too hard about the absurdity. This guy was just way too strange.

Saitama looked around at the peculiar building. "So, this is the place?"

"Yeah. Just follow me and we'll get this stuff out of the way," she replied, then floated toward the doorway. The usual crowd of photographers undoubtedly caught them coming in together, but she did her best to ignore them as always. Saitama seemed either totally unaware, or totally uncaring.

Either way worked for her, really. It would be a huge pain if he started acting like a jerk now, or even worse, starstruck. She hated the suck ups more than almost anything.

In the lobby Tatsumaki ignored the entreaties from the receptionists and headed for a bank of staff elevators. "Come on baldy. We're going to see one of the old guys."

"He won't mind if you just barge in?" Saitama asked.

"Eh, he'll listen. If you ask the small fry they just have to go to these guys anyway."

One long ride later, and they exited onto what was clearly an executive floor. The Esper ignored the stares again and floated toward a large office guarded by a secretary.

"I need to talk to Sitch, now."

The secretary took a nervous look at Saitama, then paged her boss. The gentleman either wasn't busy, or just wasn't busy enough to warrant irritating Tatsumaki. "Please enter. Would either of you like tea, coffee, or anything else?"

"Coffee. This could take a bit. What about you baldy?"

The other hero looked around the office absently. "Tea, please."

The secretary nodded and they walked in.

The older man behind the desk stood to greet them, but Tatsumaki cut him off before he could speak. "Hey Sitch, this guy crushed that giant in City B today before I got there, and he made it look easy. He needs to join the Association."

Sitch looked at her with a bit of an odd expression. "Is that right? Well, Ms. Tatsumaki, I'll be glad to help out with this." He turned to face the other hero. "My name is Sitch, I'm one of the executive administrators at the Hero Association."

"Saitama. Good to meet you."

"Yes, please sit down, both of you." Saitama obliged, while Tatsumaki simply floated over her chair, slightly above eye level of the two men.

"So, you're interested in being a hero, Mr. Saitama?"

"Ok look," Tatsumaki interrupted in an irritated tone, "he says he's been doing hero stuff for a while now, and he's way stronger than those jokers in A. Make him an S."

Sitch stared for a moment with his mouth open, flabbergasted, before he controlled himself. "Well, um, I can't say we have never had a request for such a promotion, but… Ms. Tatsumaki, we can't just—"

"Are you seriously saying no to me?" Her eyes narrowed. "When have I ever asked for anything around here, huh? What special favors have I been begging for? And this is just reasonable anyway. This guy is strong enough to be in S. He proved that today. So put him in S."

"Ms. Tatsumaki," the older gentleman was clearly shocked. "Is there," he glanced over at Saitama, who seemed to be surprised at Tatsumaki's words, "is there any… _other_ reason we should be aware of concerning the case you're making for Mr. Saitama here?"

Silence.

Then, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IMPLYING YOU OLD BASTARD? DO YOU WANT THIS FUCKING TOWER TO BE STANDING TOMORROW OR WHAT?"

Just as objects in the room began shaking (including Sitch himself), Saitama stood up and put his hands on the Esper's shoulders.

"Woah, woah, calm down Tatsu! It's not that big of a deal, all right? I'm sure the man wasn't saying what you thought he was saying."

"How the hell do you think you think you know what I thought he meant, huh? Moron! Don't tell me that—"

The door opening behind them fortunately interrupted the rant, and Tatsumaki huffed and turned away. The secretary meanwhile served everyone, trembling, while Sitch gathered his nerves. Saitama sat back down and tried the tea.

"Look," Sitch began once the secretary had left, "My most sincere apologies for any unwarranted assumptions before, Ms. Tatsumaki. I was just honestly surprised to hear you campaigning for someone to be elevated like this. It's never happened before."

"Well maybe I never met anyone who was strong enough to be in S-class who wasn't an ass before, all right?"

The executive raised his hands in apology again. "Why don't we talk about the process for becoming a hero, then. Mr. Saitama, have you ever tried and failed our hero examination?"

"Eh? No, I didn't know it was a thing until Tatsu told me about it today."

"Look. If you want to make him take the stupid exam, let's just go get it done now." The girl rolled her eyes theatrically.

Ignoring the absolutely unprecedented pet name for the most feared Esper on earth, he replied. "Now? But Ms. Tatsumaki, the next exam is in three weeks. We've not shown favoritism before, and I would not want to start now. Can't Mr. Saitama take the test with the other candidates?"

"Those losers? I can't believe this…"

"Ah," Saitama interjected, raising his hand, "it's fine. I'll just take the test thing then. Don't worry about it."

Tatsumaki sighed. "Fine! Ok. But he is getting credit for that stupid giant thing today." She turned to address Saitama directly, still angry, "I don't steal achievements from other people."

"That's pretty honorable of you, Tatsu! I'm impressed." So saying, he smiled at her.

Sitch tried to contain his astonishment when the terror of S-class began blushing.

"Well, yeah, stupid baldy. I'm the best, and I prove it every day. I rely on my own strength."

Taking a moment to take a sip of his coffee, Sitch considered how to handle this. "Very well," he said, "Mr. Saitama, we will get some information from you now, and you will take the hero examination in three weeks. However it turns out, you will definitely receive recognition and pay for your services in City B today." He turned to look at Tatsumaki, who was now trying her coffee. "Is all that acceptable?"

"Good enough I guess. But he better not get the run around after I went through all this crap already." She looked over at the caped hero sitting next to her. "Sound good, baldy?"

"Saitama."

"Baldy Saitama."

"...yeah, sounds good."

….

After less than an hour of expedited paperwork, Saitama and Tatsumaki were headed out of the lobby.

"What a bunch of garbage. You'd better be grateful that I walked you through all this."

"Yeah, I really appreciate it Tatsu. I never would have known about this stuff otherwise."

She shook her head. "I can't believe you didn't even know."

"Yeah, well," he scratched his head idly, "thanks Tatsu. So, what are you doing now?"

The woman snorted. "Nothing. You did my job today, so unless some freak shows up and they think I should deal with it, zero."

"Huh. Want to get some udon then? My treat for all the help today."

Tatsumaki started, her hair twitching. Was he seriously asking her… No. He was just staring back at her with a placid expression. No ulterior motive whatsoever.

He was just being nice.

"Sure," she replied, trying to sound casual. "Let's eat."

….

Over dinner, as Saitama idly checked the packet he had been given and remarked on the sample questions (plus essay requirement), Tatsumaki made a horrible realization.

This bald dummy was going to fail the retarded written hero exam.

"What are you talking about? It's totally obvious how they want you to answer this stuff. What's wrong with you?"

"Ah, well, this stuff is pretty unimportant, right?"

 _This idiot… there is absolutely no way I'm letting him fail after I made such a production. Who the hell knows what they'll be saying if that happens?_

She resolved that it was absolutely not going to go wrong. Her opinion would be validated. It was a certainty. She glanced at Saitama, who looked totally calm, and resisted the urge to grumble.

 _At least the udon is good here._

It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

….

Tatsumaki arrived at her apartment, closed the door, then sat down on her sofa, staring into the middle distance.

 _What a bizarre day. First someone who is weirdly stronger than the other S-class heroes shows up, like he fell out of the damn sky, and he doesn't know anything about the Association at all. He resists my powers, can run as fast as I can fly… and is a total weirdo._

Nothing about the guy made any sense to her. Her regular temperamental responses had been curtailed over and over by the odd things that he kept saying and doing, and she had ended up walking him through the Association personally, something that was not only unprecedented but honestly shocking. But she had done it, and it had felt right.

There was kind of a weird flow about the guy that made things easy.

 _Probably his shiny head,_ she thought tiredly. _Thoughts and worries roll around it like a river around a rock._

The guy, Saitama, had definitely caught her attention though. The world was full of fakes and liars. She'd seen way more than her share of idiots bragging about their strength. That's how she could tell he was being straight with her. To top it off he had thanked her earnestly, and even bought her dinner. Despite his dopey expression, he seemed to be genuinely nice.

"Overwhelming strength… is boring, huh?" She repeated his words from earlier that day. It was just way too out there to be a lie, especially in light of what she had seen him do. Plus, she thought that he had a point.

Pride in oneself was great, but when nothing was a challenge? Ever?

It all started to be a bit meaningless. Like shouting that you're good at eating cereal or something. Like the whole thing was sort of a sham.

Tatsumaki leaned her head back and sighed. _Time for a shower, and some sleep. Tomorrow, we get baldy up to speed so he doesn't embarrass me._

If nothing else, it did sound challenging.

….

The next morning, she flew to City Z after breakfast. What she found at Saitama's address however…

"What is up with this place? Is the whole district condemned or something?" She asked as he opened the door for her. In reply, he just quirked an eyebrow.

"I don't know. Never really thought about it. Anyway, want to come in?"

Sighing, she nodded and followed him in.

The first thing she noticed was that the apartment was tiny. The next thing was that it was pretty clean. Not clean like _there's a girl coming over, quick hide the garbage and porn_ , but just clean. Like a normal person lived here and cleaned up after themselves.

He obviously hadn't tried to hide anything or make himself up for her, either. He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, and there was a volume of manga on the table. She wasn't sure how to feel about the reception.

"Want some tea?" He asked politely.

"Sure," she assented, still glancing around. "So you know why I'm here right?"

"Ah, the test question thing, was that it?" He replied over his shoulder as he made the tea.

She resisted the urge to sigh. "Yeah, that." She waited for him to serve her tea before saying anything else. "I saw how strong you were yesterday baldy, and things kind of snowballed at the Association, but I want you to pass this stupid test and not embarrass me. I've never recommended anyone before, so I don't want to look like a fool. Ok?"

He nodded and drank some tea before replying. "If it's that important to you, I'll do my best then. What do we do first, Tatsu?"

What followed was a tedious review of the demo test questions that gave her a bit more hope. The guy didn't seem to be stupid so much as… kind of out of it.

The conversation was pretty strange for her, since she was usually hounded by fans and reporters or met with terrified shrieks from villains (and other heroes). Even her sister acted weird around her, although that was mostly just arguments and yelling. That was at least kind of normal; other people had stubborn younger siblings that refused good advice.

Saitama though, he didn't worry about her at all. Just talked normally, mostly. Dinner the night before had given her a chance to vent a little about the Association, and he had chatted with her while they ate. It was kind of refreshing.

They had spent about an hour going through the Q and A part of the test, and she felt that if she could get him to actually pay attention he would do all right.

Next was the essay part.

"Hey, Tatsu, can we take a break for now? This is pretty dull stuff." Saitama interjected, scratching his ear.

"Yeah, sure." It _was_ pretty dull after all. "What do you for fun here, anyway?"

"Read manga, watch TV for any disasters or monsters I can fight. That's about it," he replied, rubbing his chin.

For a moment Tatsumaki was tempted to call him out on being boring, but upon reflection she realized that staying at her apartment and hanging out until the Association called wasn't much different. Most days she actually left home to go look for monsters or criminals out of boredom, and they were invariably disappointing.

Her mouth dropped open as she thought about it. _Do we actually have something in common here, or what?_

She coughed, pretending that she hadn't just spaced out for a minute. "Ok baldy, that sounds… not good. Anything else?"

"Just training. Not nearly as hard as it used to be though." He looked a little nostalgic at the thought, she noted.

She ruminated on that for a minute. "Training, huh? All right. We're both bored and I've got nothing unless I get a call. Let's spar or something . There's a nice open canyon and some wasteland Southeast of here, no inhabitants."

Tatsumaki was a little curious about what else he could do, and anyway she always enjoyed getting a chance to flex her abilities out in the open.

"Sure, sounds fine to me." He replied easily.

"You know," she said with some irritation, "most people would be extremely grateful for this chance to be out with the great Senritsu no Tatsumaki, baldy."

"Maybe if you stop calling me baldy I'll be more appreciative," he retorted.

Tatsumaki made a face and finished her drink. "Thanks for the tea, _Saitama_."

"Thanks for all the help, Tatsu."

Her eye twitched. _Good enough, I guess._

….

He was late.

Tatsumaki had been floating above a boulder in the canyon for five minutes, and she was beginning to get irritated. Sitting on the boulder was out, since it was midday and the rock was hot. If she was going to use a psychic field to keep the heat out she may as well just float.

So she did. She was going to wait exactly five more minutes before calling to yell at him.

He showed with ninety seconds to spare.

"Why are you late? I pinned the coordinates on your phone… wait, what's that stuff on your glove?" She pointed at the odd neon yellow paste on his right hand.

"Ah, there was this weird walking tree by the highway, and it was tearing open a truck…" his voice trailed off. "Anyway, this is like sap I guess? Blood? Trees have sap right?"

She met his mild curiosity with a blank stare of her own. _This must be normal for him._

"Whatever egghead. I'm guessing you didn't tell anyone you did this, like the police or the Association?"

He shook his head.

Tatsumaki facepalmed and resisted the urge to pull her hair. "This is why… look, you just KO'd this tree thing and ran off, and since no one saw you some other hero is just going to take credit for it."

He looked contemplative for a moment, then shrugged. "Well it's not a big deal. I just did it because I'm a hero, after all."

She looked at him carefully, and again detected no sign of false modesty. He believed what he was saying, as best as she could tell. _He's not doing it for money, or fame, or even attention. He'd just be doing it every day, all alone._ Her eyes opened a little wider in surprise. _That's what he has been doing. Just… being a hero, all by himself, just because he wanted to._

Tatsumaki wasn't quite sure what to think about that yet. Saitama spoke up and broke her train of thought.

"So what did you want to do out here, Tatsu? I know you can fly and stuff, so it would be pretty cool to see what else you can do." He smiled at her, like he was excited to see something new and different.

She grinned in response, before catching herself and crossing her arms. "Well, lucky you, baldy. I haven't had a chance to get a decent workout lately, so you can watch me warm up, and then we can fight a little. Sound good?"

"Cool. I'll hang here then." He proceeded to sit on the baking hot boulder she'd avoided, and turned his eyes on her. "Whenever you're ready."

With Saitama watching, Tatsumaki felt the urge to show off a bit with her little warm up. Without looking away from him, she reached out to the canyon wall behind her and pulled.

About fifty cubic meters of the canyon wall gave way with a crash and floated over. Again without looking, she concentrated and lifted the wall up over them. About twenty meters up, she began compressing it with her power. The rock wall heated up rapidly as it compacted, and when it hit about half the initial volume it began glowing and turning to a viscous fluid.

Lifting her hands like a conductor, she started stretching the field from a sphere into a cylinder. In a moment she had the molten rock stretched out like a piece of pasta right above them. Saitama was actually clapping now, which embarrassed her a little before she checked his expression.

He looked really happy, like this was really worth watching. Not a hint of snark or mockery to be found.

Keeping the heat trapped in her telekinetic field to maintain the fluid, she made it turn on itself, first in a simple knot, then a more complex one, and then shattered it into about fifty separate spheres. Finally, she funneled them into a conical lance shape, and hurled it into the canyon wall behind them, where it drove itself though the rock and out of sight, leaving only the hissing and shattering of stone coming from the opening it had made. She covered it again so nothing would be ejected accidentally, and turned to look at her audience.

"Man, that was incredible! You could have totally crushed that giant guy the other day."

"Well yeah," she said proudly, "I'm the best. Don't think party tricks like this are the extent of my abilities either." Tatsumaki was feeling pretty good. She didn't get a chance to play around like that much. _Or maybe I just don't make time to… well, whatever._

She floated over in front of him. "So, how tough are you anyway? I saw you take out that giant's head after jumping ridiculously high. How high can you jump?" She watched, curious, while the caped hero answered.

"I don't really know. I never tried."

"Really?" She asked. "Never?"

"Never had much of a reason to jump very high."

 _So was that jump before not very high then?_ she thought.

"Try it then. I want to know."

"Sure. Stand back I guess." He motioned her away. She flew about ten meters back and waited.

Then the canyon floor shattered beneath her, and the nearby walls started to shudder. Saitama was gone, and there was a crater at least a meter deep in the rock. It was buckled beyond where she was standing.

Shocked speechless, Tatsumaki swept the dust away and looked up. After a long few moments she saw a very small yellow speck in the sky, one that was accelerating at about 9.8 meters per second squared.

"What the hell…?" She said absently.

As he continued his descent, she shook her head and took to the air. She met him about twelve thousand feet up and started yelling while he was in free fall.

"What the hell baldy! How fucking high did you jump?" She screamed.

He just shrugged and kept falling. Then he seemed to realize something, and yelled at her. "Don't worry Tatsu! I'll land in a minute and tell you then!"

"Land in a minute? What? Let me catch you, you moron!" She screamed angrily.

He made a sort of dismissive wave, then just turned around to watch the sky with some slight interest.

It was like the prospect of hitting the earth like a damned falling satellite didn't even phase him. He wasn't scared. He wasn't even really interested.

 _What the fuck is with this guy?_

Gritting her teeth, Tatsumaki tried to arrest his fall with her field. It was doable, but way harder than it should have been given his mass and velocity.

 _Just like the last time…_

Finally she managed to drift him down slowly, and they landed in the canyon again. Saitama turned to look at her.

"Thanks for slowing me down Tatsu. Now that I think about it it would have been a real mess on the suit to hit the ground and dig myself out again." He smiled and nodded in appreciation.

The small woman took a deep breath, then another, and then she started yelling.

"What is your deal? How high did you jump, and how the hell did you do it? Why weren't you even scared to get smashed to paste when you fell? What even are you baldy?" She was grabbing his shoulders now and looking a little crazed.

"Ah," he looked away and scratched his face. "Well, you know, I'm a hero. I'm pretty strong, so a fall wouldn't kill me."

"You're serious, aren't you?" she asked. _Is this what shock feels like? Am I losing my damn mind? Have the last couple days been a fever dream?_

"Hey, you all right Tatsu? You look a little pale. Well, more pale. You're pretty fair to begin with." He reached out and took one of her hands off his shoulder. She did not respond. "Yo, Tatsumaki. Hey, seriously, look at me."

She did. His glove was rough on her hand. She realized she was floating at eye level with him, and he was looking at her with a very serious expression, nothing like the dopey disinterested face he was making most of the time. She felt him squeeze her hand a little, and he reached out to pat her cheek.

Tatsumaki closed her eyes and let him, then breathed in and out, evenly, just like Bang had taught her, or tried to, the last time she threw a fit at an S-class meeting.

"Tatsumaki?" He asked softly.

When she opened her eyes, she smiled and met his gaze. "I'm fine now, Saitama. Really." She held steady for a beat longer, then moved back a bit. "That was just… crazy. How high did you jump?"

He watched her carefully, but she did look better. "Eh, I'm not real sure. I didn't want to jump too high."

She froze again. _Breathe. This is insanity, but you have to breathe._ "So, you were just messing around, not pushing to see how high you could go?"

He shrugged and looked at the crater. "I mean, I'd never jumped anywhere near that high before. I could go higher I guess."

 _He's not even tired, or winded, or sweating. He looks like he just… he looks like he did nothing at all._

In her mind, Tatsumaki heard his voice from the day before.

"Overwhelming strength is boring, right?" she said quietly.

"What? Yeah, never having a challenge is pretty boring."

She gritted her teeth and stared at the ground, and felt a hot, hateful choking in her gut. _This guy…this damned guy…_

And in a moment, he spoke again.

"But I mean you know that Tatsu. From that crazy stuff you showed me earlier for fun, plus your rank and all, you understand it just like I do. When's the last time you had a challenging fight, right?" He sounded a little sad, a little self-deprecating. "Most days I try not to think about it too much. You do the same thing, huh?"

She felt the ugly hot feeling fall away with his words as she turned to look at him again. He was sad, frowning a little.

She coughed out a laugh. "How the hell did you know that, baldy? How could you tell?"

He shrugged again, and looked at her. "Dunno really. Guess I know it when I see it."

She smiled ruefully, and with complete honesty. "You know… you're a strange one, baldy."

"Heh, look who's talking. I just wear a cape; you're the one who can fly."

The hot feeling from before was gone, but in its place, suddenly, was a very warm, disturbingly comfortable sensation.

Tatsumaki blushed.

"I think we're done here for now. Want to get something to eat? My treat this time."

"Sounds good to me. What are we having?" he asked with enthusiasm.

"How about pasta?"

….

The next day she was called up to fight some stupid slime monster that called itself "Sleemo the Unconquerable." The Association flew her all the way to the Southern coast, where the monster had taken up residence near a resort town.

Normally she would have been complaining during at least part of the long flight, but today Tatsumaki was silent. She and Saitama had blown off studying after their "training" session, and just wandered around for a while after getting an early dinner. The two of them ended up finding a whole grove (pod? flock? gang?) of the weird walking trees, so she had a little fun holding them in the air and crushing them at a distance while Saitama got covered in tree sap.

She smirked at the memory. He had been totally irritated at the thought of having to get the sap out of his clothes, but she had told him he ought to be happy since there was no hair for it to get stuck in.

He had made a very grumpy face in reply, which had set her off laughing. Eventually he had started laughing too. Not long after she had flown off toward her apartment, snickering the whole way.

After she had returned home and settled in to relax in her living room and read, she had actually started to worry about messaging him. Maybe say good night or something? She was still worrying it over when he messaged her first. "Thanks for coming by and helping today, Tatsu. I had fun. And thanks for dinner!"

She had been inordinately happy when she read it, and replied with a simple, "you're welcome baldy. I had fun too."

Then the pilots announced they had hit the drop zone, breaking her reflective mood.

Upon arrival, she noted that the town was still intact. The monster had instead dissolved or eaten a nearby village and highway, per the pilot's latest update, and was still headed toward the resort town. There were a few military guys on the ground, along with some non-evacuated residents and some politicians in suits. They all took notice when she flew down to meet them, and started cheering.

She gave a halfhearted wave and flew down to the military guys. They were the least annoying typically.

"Yo. Where is it?"

"Senritsu no Tatsumaki, it's an honor to meet you. The monster is about three kilometers East, by the coast road. I'm afraid it will be here within the hour." He looked grave, but hopeful.

"Ok," she nodded. "I'll be right back."

"You're going to check it out?" He asked quickly. "I have some more detailed reconnaissance reports and aerial photos here if you would like." He gestured to a nearby building.

"Eh?" The green-haired girl looked at him with a blank expression. "I'm just going to kill it. Give me a few minutes." She flew off before he could say anything else.

The slime thing was pretty big, sort of blue-green, and weirdly chatty. It had a remarkably stupid looking slime face that it was talking out of, and it was talking the moment it spotted her.

"Oh, how delicious! The whole reason I, the magnificent Sleemo the Unconquerable, came all this way from my home in the fathomless undersea was to find some cute little girls like you! You will become my new toys! Be my playmate little one! Here I come!" So saying, it extended a number of tentacles her way at a very high speed.

"Yeah, how about no." She halted them with a psychic shield, and looked with some disgust at the thing. "Talk about gross. You belong in slime prison, or you would if you weren't about to be dead."

She spun up a vortex around the monster that tightened rapidly, turning it first into a column of slime, then into a sort of slime frappe, until the rotation from her impromptu centrifuge tore it to pieces and it evaporated.

The flying hero waited a minute to see if anything happened. Nothing did.

"Fucking Association. What a waste of a trip."

When she got back to the town, she was greeted by delirious applause, which did brighten her mood more than she had anticipated. The military guys were in shock, which happened pretty frequently now that she thought about it. She was about to ask for the plans for her flight home when the mayor introduced himself and offered a very nice condo to her, free of charge, for as long as she wanted it.

Tatsumaki looked around. It was a beautiful day, only a little after noon. The resort town (this one anyway) was in perfect shape, and she could see a nice array of shopping boutiques nearby.

 _Maybe not a total waste._

"Sure," she told the mayor with a childish, trusting, saccharine smile that somehow looked jarring on her normally angry face. "I can stick around for a bit."

….

"So the stupid slime thing was not even worth my time. Total downer. But I did get a free condo at the beach, so I'm staying the night. Have to skip our hero review today."

"Ah, no worries. There's some big swarm of mosquitoes in town today, so I'm staying inside anyway."

"Gross," the green haired woman made a face as she read Saitama's text. "Well, you're missing out. The beach here is fantastic. I've never been down here before."

"Really? Send me a picture. I haven't been to the beach for vacation since I was a kid."

She turned and snapped a picture of the surf, which admittedly looked picturesque, but then didn't send it. The beach was deserted due to the earlier emergency, so it looked sort of staged.

"This looks like a postcard or something. Ugh." She frowned and took a sip of her drink, then looked at her wrist.

She had bought a nice silver bangle, just for fun, to go with the bikini she'd picked up before hitting the condo. The store clerks had been awfully complimentary, but that was pretty suspect in the aftermath of saving the town.

She took another drink, then paused.

"Why not?"

She flipped the camera and grinned, holding up the drink with her powers, and took a picture while making two V signs. Not thinking more than necessary, she sent it to Saitama.

It was only a moment before he replied. "Wow, you're totally cute Tatsu! Looks like you're having an awesome time too."

She bit her lip to avoid smiling too much, and squirmed a little in her chair. _Cute. Heh._

"I know I'm cute, baldy. And I'm having a better day now. I bet you'd like it here too." She replied.

"No doubt. It would be a fun trip."

"What, like together?"

"Sure, why not?"

Tatsumaki was glad no one else was around to see her eyes fly open as she stared at her phone.

"Anyway Tatsu, I've got to do some chores. Let me know if you get up to anything else down there."

"Yeah, sure thing. I'll let you know when I get back." She dashed off quickly.

 _At least the text sounded nonchalant, right?_ She thought to herself.


	2. Threat Level Demon

**Weirdo and Weirdo**

 **Chapter 2: Threat Level Demon**

* * *

After a very nice two days at the beach, the green-eyed Esper returned to City A; she was "debriefed" on the flight home, and then went back to her place. Saitama had been acting a little peculiar, though. According to him, someone was stalking him.

She had not known the bald hero long, but this seemed pretty unlikely to her. He lived in a dead zone, killed monsters for fun, and didn't have a girlfriend. Who would be watching him exactly?

Still, she humored him.

Tatsumaki was pretty busy with requests from the Hero Association for a day or two, but she did have to talk Saitama down from his paranoia at one point. He was convinced that some weird men's beauty monster had stolen a French fry – one French fry – from his plate at some family restaurant.

It was honestly beginning to concern her.

The following day, she finally had some free time again, so she decided to see what he was up to.

But there was a problem.

Baldy wasn't returning her texts.

He didn't answer when she called.

Tatsumaki wasn't sure whether she should be worried or irritated, so she settled on doing chores to keep herself busy around her apartment.

She wracked her brain trying to think whether she had said anything to weird him out or upset him. Nothing really came to mind; she thought she had been somewhat supportive regarding the French fry theft and paranoia. She briefly entertained the thought that he was too intimidated to reply to her, but that just seemed ridiculous. He wasn't the type. Maybe his phone was just out of power.

She stopped cleaning. Worry and irritation could work together here. She just needed to go to his place.

She figured it was acceptable and not clingy or weird. There had been no answer all day. He'd basically given her a pass to come over to help whenever with the test anyway. It was really his fault for not replying.

She decided to fly over and see what the deal was.

It was a relatively short flight at her cruising speed, and it was late afternoon when she arrived in the airspace over his weirdly deserted neighborhood. When she arrived at his building, though, there were ominous signs. His roof had a hole in it, there was metal debris everywhere, and the street by his apartment was torn apart.

It was also mostly covered with gore.

 _What the hell happened here?_

There was no trace of Saitama, just some weird dead lion thing and what seemed to be shattered metal parts. Up in the apartment she found nothing.

It was hard to imagine that something had really happened to him. He was… well, strong wasn't the word. Stupidly strong maybe.

Still, she was worried. It looked like something attacked the place, and then he had turned it into paste, but he was gone. That implied there was some other enemy out there.

Flying around, she saw no evidence of where he might have gone. Honestly, she figured he could have run basically anywhere.

"Damned baldy. Answer your damn phone!"

She flew around in frustration for almost a half hour before her phone rang.

"Hey, you called?"

She exploded. "WHAT THE HELL SAITAMA? What happened to you today? You don't answer all day, then when I come over here your place is torn apart and there's leftover lion on the pavement. WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"Woah, uh, calm down Tatsu. I can explain. Just give me a minute," he said placatingly. She could imagine the not-nearly-panicked-enough face he must be making.

"Fine. Explain."

"Well, I was out in the middle of nowhere all day with no coverage. I just got back in range and saw you called."

"So what are you doing now?"

"Grocery shopping. Man, with those idiots attacking this morning I forgot it was Saturday. I made it in time for the sale though, so it's fine I guess."

She massaged her temples while floating down to sit on a park bench, ignoring the stares of passers by.

"So what about these guys that attacked?"

"Some weird genetic stuff. There was a robot gorilla- hey, what were they called again?"

She heard someone else's faint voice.

"Right, the House of Evolution. Anyway, thanks to that I almost missed the sale, plus I missed your call. Sorry Tatsu."

 _Where have I heard that before… whatever._ "OK, ok, that sounds like a good enough excuse. This time. Who's there with you anyway?"

"Ah, Genos. He's a robot… wait, sorry, a cyborg."

She furrowed her brow. "He's the gorilla?"

"No, no, he's a guy I met the other day when the mosquitoes were around. He's pretty wordy but he's all right."

"OK… So, are you busy tomorrow? We still have to go over the essay questions."

"No plans here. Just message me when you want to look at it, unless you get some work to do. Looks like I have to check out, but I'll see you tomorrow I guess."

"Sure, sure. After I flew all the way over here…"

"Ah, thanks for coming by. Sorry if I worried you."

She coughed nervously before replying. "As if! I'm going to head home. I'll message you tomorrow."

"Cool. Good night Tatsu!"

"Later, baldy."

She hung up and stretched. The park was quiet, and it was getting dark.

"Well, maybe I can find some muggers or something…"

….

After breakfast the next day, and a quick message to Saitama, she headed over to City Z. She actually thought about inviting him to her place instead, but she was home enough as it was already.

She hated to say it about her own apartment, but it was boring there. Saitama's apartment was at least different, and unlike a cafe or something, people would leave her the hell alone there.

Still, the commute was annoying, even in the air.

Today she had decided to wear something a little different than usual, and had picked out a nice green silk shirt, black jeans, and sandals. She had turned in front of the mirror in her bedroom, then nodded to herself, smiled, and departed.

"Nice patch job on your apartment," she said by way of a greeting when he let her in.

"It works," he shrugged. "Had breakfast?"

"Yeah. I'll take coffee if you have some though."

"Ah, it's pretty lame coffee. You sure?" He replied over his shoulder as he headed to the sink.

She made a face. "I'll be brave and try it."

"You look different today by the way, you know?" he said while he made the drinks, not turning around.

Tatsumaki fidgeted a little. "Yeah, well, I don't wear the same thing every day after all, dummy."

"Ah, well, it looks good on you."

Now she was definitely fidgeting. She tried to stop.

"Here it is. Don't say I didn't warn you, Tatsu." He handed over the coffee and sat down.

She took a big sip to cover her reaction to his offhand compliment.

Mistake.

It was not good, not at all. She asked for tea immediately upon tasting it.

"Bleh. Ok, let's talk about the essay stuff," she said after he apologetically provided tea.

"Sure thing," he said sitting lazily across the table. "Just a heads up, I'm not much good at these."

"Then we'll start with the basics. They're one hundred percent sure to ask why you want to be a hero." She looked at him, exhibiting some measure of real curiosity. "So, why are you a hero?"

"Well," Saitama started, looking away from her, "I tried doing heroic things as a kid. It never seemed to turn out well. By the time I knew it I was out of school. It was pretty bland. Then about three years ago, I'd just failed another job interview, and I saved this kid from a monster. It was tough. I finally killed him with my tie. After that, I decided to become a hero for real."

"Your tie? Why didn't you just punch it?" she asked.

"Oh, I hadn't started training then. So I was weak," he said matter-of-factly.

"Weak? Seriously?" It was a little hard for her to imagine.

"Yeah, that stupid crab monster beat the tar out of me. So anyway, I started training."

Tatsumaki was confused. "So, you were just a guy looking for a job three years ago? What kind of training did you do?

He looked at her, surprised. "You want to know too? Those evolution guys and Genos were curious too. I did 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and then a 10km run every day. It was about a year before it took, but I finally got strong."

Her eye was twitching as he calmly sipped his tea. _Pushups? Seriously? Am I expected to believe that?_ But as she thought about it, about what Saitama had been like in the few days she had known him, about what fighting was like for him, it actually made sense in a warped baldy kind of way.

"You know what? I believe you. It's too ridiculous to make up," she announced after a long silence.

He looked at her oddly this time. "Of course it's true. Why would I lie about it?"

Before she could say anything in reply, the doorbell rang.

"Expecting anyone?" she asked, mildly annoyed at the interruption.

Saitama shook his head, then got up to answer the door.

"Sensei! I've come to be your disciple!"

"You're kidding, right?"

Tatsumaki almost choked on her tea hearing that, and turned around. Coming in to the room with her host was a young adult, blond… robot.

"Eh? Metal arms and a tank top?"

"My apologies, Sensei! I was not aware you had a guest." He bowed gracefully to the green haired girl. "My name is Genos, and I am hoping to become Saitama-sensei's disciple."

She stared for a moment, before floating up to look him in the face. Then she turned to Saitama. "Disciple? Is this the guy I heard on the phone the other day? From the grocery store?"

He rubbed the back of his head and looked a little embarrassed. "Yeah. He decided he wants me to teach him."

"Teach him what?"

Saitama shrugged.

Genos, who had been watching this exchange carefully, broke in. "Pardon me, but are you the S-class hero, Senritsu no Tatsumaki?"

She rotated to look at him and tilted her head. "Yeah. What about it?"

"Incredible. Master, you're even more amazing than I believed. To think that you are friends with the most famous hero in the world! It's more than I expected, and yet, given your incredible display yesterday and the day before, it is perhaps more reasonable to expect such a thing as a matter of course—"

As Genos kept going, Tatsumaki side eyed Saitama. "Is this...normal?"

"...I think so, yeah."

"Yo robot, shut up!"

"My apologies, Ms. Tatsumaki. I was overwhelmed."

She facepalmed. "Right, whatever. Sit down Saitama. We've got stuff to do."

"Yeah, Genos, good that you came over and all, but Tatsu is going over the hero exam with me." He sat down again.

"You're registering as a hero, Master?"

"It's Saitama. And yeah, Tatsu convinced me."

"Hmph," she sniffed. "I just wanted him to get credit where it's due."

"Such a generous attitude! I truly hope that you and Saitama-sensei will share your wisdom with me."

Tatsumaki turned her head to stare pointedly at Saitama, who shrugged helplessly.

"Perhaps I should join the Hero Association as well, if only to emulate you, Master."

"Dude, you need to calm down. I'm just a normal guy here. Not a master."

"Such modesty!" He shook his head in admiration.

Tatsumaki felt a headache coming on.

….

A low level psychic storm was circulating in the well-appointed apartment of the S-class hero, Senritsu no Tatsumaki. Small household articles, clothing, a cup of coffee, and various other items were flying around in a slow green whorl.

In the center of the disturbance was the tornado herself, Tatsumaki. Her green hair was bouncing slightly from the wind, but she was currently oblivious.

 _What do I wear?_

The reason for the undefeated hero's current state of alarm was an invitation.

The hero exam was coming up tomorrow, and she had spent almost every day with Saitama recently, barring some obligations that had come up. They had half-heartedly looked at the exam, but spent most of the time just hanging around. She had read manga at his place, they had played a few games on an ancient console he had, and they had even wandered around City Z looking for trouble.

They'd actually found a few monsters, which had been entertaining. That had surprised Tatsumaki, who was usually bored with easily defeated enemies, but it was a lot more fun with Saitama around. She was compelled to show off a little, and he always complimented her when she did something novel with her powers. Plus watching Saitama "fight" was amusing.

She had seen him walk away unscathed from some weird enemies over the past week, even when they scored direct hits, and when he was the one to take them out, it was always over with one punch.

The robot… cyborg… Genos guy had been around some too, which had been a little irritating at first, but he was pretty good at taking a walk when she seemed to indicate he should leave.

Also, he apparently was working with whatever mad scientist made his parts to get some new upgrades to be "worthy of Saitama-sensei's instruction."

She had done hero work some days of course, but nothing too exciting. Saitama's biggest news was the day some bald terrorists had gone on a rampage, giving him the impression that they were going to "steal his look."

She'd teased him about that one for the whole rest of the week.

The days had passed easily, but the day before, Saitama had mentioned something to her just as she was heading home.

"Ah, Tatsu, I almost forgot. Genos found this flyer for a street fair in the city tomorrow. I thought we could check it out together." He held up the flyer for her. "Summer festival I think. Looks fun I guess. Want to go?"

It had taken a good deal of effort to calm her reaction.

"Whatever avocado, I guess I could take pity on you and hang out some more. What time?"

"Starts late in the day, so just come by here at six or so."

"Hmph. All right, see you then."

So she had flown off quickly, to make sure he did not notice that she was nervous.

It sounded way too much like a date, but he said nothing about it being a date. Plus he wasn't nervous at all. And if he was asking her on a date, he should certainly be nervous. She had no reason to be nervous at all, because she was a completely normal grown up adult who had lots of experience going on dates.

 _Is this a damned date or not? I can't ask the dummy!_

And so, her dilemma. Tatsumaki planned to wear a hat to conceal her identity, but she also had a desire to look cute.

 _It's not like I even care what he thinks. Stupid baldy. He should be grateful I'm even going!_

She was tempted to ask Fubuki for advice, but disregarded that thought when she considered what her sister would ask her.

 _Definitely not worth it._

She would just have to work through this herself.

….

Saitama looked impressed when he opened the door for her. "Woah, you look fantastic, Tatsu!"

She attempted to cover her broad grin and accompanying blush with an impertinent huff. "I'm always fantastic. Anyway, you ready?"

After departing Saitama's depopulated neighborhood, they made their way across town via taxi, since Tatsumaki was not interested in drawing attention to herself. Dressed differently than usual, wearing a little beret, a skirt, and thigh-highs, she did not think she would be recognized.

The fair was pretty lively, but nothing really unusual. Just people around, laughing and having a good time. Saitama looked happy enough when she glanced at him, a little more cheerful than his usual blank look anyway.

After walking for a while, she sat down while he started checking out the food stalls, and shortly returned with two plates of some rice dish she'd never had before. They ate quietly, just watching people go by.

"Hey, I want dessert," she announced. She turned to look at him, saw that he was nodding, and led the way. She bought two candied apples, since he picked up the other thing, and handed him one.

"Ah, man, I haven't had one of these in ages." He looked like he was remembering something fondly.

"When was it?" she asked between bites of her own apple.

"Middle school fair. One of the clubs had a booth with these. Maybe the baseball team? Anyway, they were great. Some guy ended up robbing the ticket booth though, and I got beaten up trying to chase after them."

She looked at him, a little alarmed. "Really baldy? They beat you up?"

"Oh yeah," he said, finishing his apple. "It was pretty ugly. The cops caught up while I was getting beaten, though, so they all got booked for it. Got made fun of for a while because of the two black eyes I think."

She had to smile a little bit at that. "Is that a good memory, then?" Tatsumaki took another bite, and he turned to look at her.

"Well, I think this one's a little better."

 _Damn it! That stupid honest face again!_

She turned away and finished her apple, trying to avoid his now-curious look.

"So, there's a little concert in a half hour or so. Want to head that way?" She pointed toward the stage.

"Sure, Tatsu. Sounds good."

On the way they caught sight of a few game booths, with the usual assortment of ridiculous prizes attached.

"Hey, want me to win you something?" he asked genially.

She snickered. "Sure baldy. I mean it's not like I couldn't get whatever I want myself, but if you want to give it a shot, go ahead and win me something. I'll try not to get too excited over here."

After a moment of looking, he wandered over to one of the booths. It was one of the baseball throwing ones with bottles stacked up.

Tatsumaki rolled her eyes. "Try not to break everything when you throw them, all right?"

"Sure, sure. I'll be careful."

He paid the friendly older man at the booth, then tossed the ball up and down a few times. Three very careful tosses later and he could go double-or-nothing for the next tier of prizes. While Tatsumaki made mock cheers ("Go avocado go!") he went again.

When she didn't stop cheering and started snickering again, he doubled a third time, and chose the stupidest looking prize they had.

"Well here you go, Tatsu. Make sure to take care of it, all right?" He grinned and handed over a three foot tall egg with several green bands and stars decorating it.

She pouted in a quite exaggerated fashion for his benefit. "I love it. You can check it out on display in my apartment sometime."

He quirked an eyebrow, and she immediately wished she could retract her statement.

Fortunately or unfortunately, they were interrupted by a crash from the direction of the stage nearby, followed by shrieking and crying.

Tatsumaki took a breath, then sighed. "Well, since we're here and all…"

Saitama nodded, and they made their way to the stage.

It was a ferris wheel. Or, more like a weird spindly legged dude with a ferris wheel body and a face in the middle.

"What the hell is that?" she pointed and looked at her companion. Saitama just looked weirded out.

About half the crowd had cleared out, and the other half was watching the monster.

"HEY YOU! YOU THERE! WITH THE EGG!" A voice like bending metal came out of the monster, presumably directed at Tatsumaki.

"Eh? You mean me, freak?" she said, now getting irritated.

"YEAH YOU! BET YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND WON THAT EGG FOR YOU! WELL I USED TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND TOO, YOU KNOW! SHE BROKE UP WITH ME ON THE FERRIS WHEEL, AND NOW I'VE BECOME A FERRIS WHEEL TO DESTROY ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS! NO ONE CAN STOP ME!"

With this, his ferris wheel part started spinning furiously. She noted idly that the stage was wrecked.

"Oi, wheel guy."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT BALDY? WANT TO DIE FIRST, HUH?"

Saitama scratched his head. "This is a street fair. There's no ferris wheel."

Tatsumaki stared at him. The crowd stared at him. Saitama just stood there.

"YOU'RE GONNA DIE CUE BALL!"

It was crying now.

"That is way more than enough," Tatsumaki said. In an instant a nimbus of green power covered the thing, and it stopped cold. She floated over in front of it, not neglecting to float the stupid egg along too. "All right you MORON. I was having a GOOD TIME here and you just had to come along and SCREW IT UP!"

The crowd began murmuring, some already taking pictures of her.

"My turn."

Tatsumaki snapped her fingers, and the nameless ferris wheel monster shattered into a bloody mess.

Fortunately none of the blood got past her shield, so she, Saitama, the crowd, and her egg were all safe.

"Trash." As she spoke, the crowd was cheering, some already rushing up to her to babble excitedly and thank her for saving them. She floated higher, out of reach, and was about to start yelling when she caught sight of Saitama.

He was watching her, a little grin on his face.

"You're welcome, I guess," she said loudly, then turned and flew away, the egg trailing along behind her. Once she was out of sight she called Saitama's number.

"Yo, Tatsu. Nice work."

She laughed. "Yeah, a real tough one. I ran off to avoid the crowd. What do you want to do now?"

"Um, how about head back to my place. It's still pretty early. I mean, unless you want to head out."

"No, no," she said emphatically. "I can come by and play games or something."

"Great! I'll grab a few snacks from the fair and meet you there."

"Cool," she said, watching the egg float in front of her. "I'll see you in a few. And Saitama?"

"What is it, Tatsu?"

"Grab another couple of apples ok?"

….

Tatsumaki had booked a private room at a nice enough restaurant in City Z, not too fancy at Saitama's insistence, to celebrate the results of the hero examination. Since the exam had taken basically all day, they scheduled the dinner for the day after.

Genos had been invited too, as he was still hanging around with his "sensei."

At least he had mostly stayed out of her way. He was polite and deferential to her, which helped.

She was dressed in a light jacket and a skirt, and had worn sunglasses and a hat to disguise herself when entering the restaurant. She was just waiting for the two of them to show up.

The only issue now was controlling her rage.

The cyborg had been special-promoted to S-class. Honestly she didn't much care, but the other result really made her mad.

Saitama had been placed in B-class.

 _B! What the fuck were the examiners thinking!_

She had wanted to give them a piece of her mind as soon as Saitama had told her, but he had calmed her down.

He said it wasn't worth making a fuss over, and he would be fine in B-class.

It still rankled though. She had recommended him herself, after all. The only reason she hadn't flown off the handle was the other thing Saitama had said to her last night.

"Don't worry Tatsu. I'm just glad we're both heroes now. I probably would have bombed the test without your help."

So she had decided to avoid headquarters today. Fortunately for them, they had not called her.

"Hey, been waiting long?" Saitama asked as he entered the room.

She floated over to him and gave him a very quick hug, which he returned before she moved away again.

"No, not long," she said, floating back to the table.

"Good evening Ms. Tatsumaki. Thank you for the invitation to dinner." Genos said after walking in, bowing to her.

"Eh, sure," she said absently. "So congratulations guys. Sit down."

"This place is pretty nice Tatsu. You sure you're ok to pick up the tab?"

The green haired woman scoffed and crossed her arms. "It's no big deal, avocado. Order whatever."

Smiling, Saitama perused the menu. Genos did the same.

"So what happened exactly, with the test?" she asked while they waited for entrees. "You said you'd tell me."

"Yeah. Well, after the test, they called me for an interview. There were a few suits there and it took a while. They said I got a 90, and asked a bunch of things."

"Like what?" she inquired.

"About a few monsters recently, plus the giant thing from the day we met. They asked how I knew you too."

"Really," she remarked flatly. "What did you say about it?"

"Just that we met the day that giant showed up in City B. They were getting a little pushy, but they eventually backed off."

"Hmm."

"Sensei, Ms. Tatsumaki, they also asked me about the two of you," Genos broke in.

"Really? Those nosy pricks." Tatsumaki was glowing a little. "They were checking your story, Saitama. What did you tell them, cyborg?"

"The truth. I do not know whether they believed everything, however."

She narrowed her eyes. "Those scumbags probably asked just enough to make trouble."

"Well, whatever. At least I won't have a weekly quota. They told me that at the interview."

"I'm confident that you will be in S-class before long, sensei. Your strength is incomparable."

"Well, enough about that all right," Saitama said uncomfortably, looking at the still irritated Tatsumaki. "We're officially heroes now, so it's fine." He looked up absently. "I'll even be getting paid. Not bad."

"You could always take me to an actual restaurant sometime with your new paycheck, you know," the Esper noted a little haughtily.

Saitama smirked. "Maybe I will."

Dinner ended up being quite good, and Tatsumaki was in a much improved mood looking over the dessert menu, when someone walked into their private room.

"Oh my, looks like quite a party here this evening. I didn't think you were the type to help other heroes, Senritsu no Tatsumaki," Amai Mask commented with a beatific smile fixed in place.

Her good mood evaporated instantly.

"Eh? You know this guy?" Saitama asked with a blank expression.

"What the hell are you doing here, Amai Mask? This is a private room." She gritted her teeth.

"I just came to welcome our newest S-class hero, of course." He turned to Genos, who stood up when he was addressed.

"You are Amai Mask, A-class rank 1, is that correct?"

"That's right."

"May I ask the purpose of your visit?"

"Just to greet you, and give you a little welcome gift from the Association." He tossed a package on the table.

"That's very… kind of you." Genos glanced over at the fuming Esper at the end of the table.

"A hero should be beautiful and elegant, as well as competent in the performance of their duties to the public, Genos. See that you remember this."

"I'm not in this for admiration. I am following the path set by my sensei."

"Your sensei?" he asked.

"Saitama-sensei," Genos replied, inclining his head toward the bald hero.

Amai Mask was silent for a moment. "This? This is your master?" He placed a hand carefully over his face and laughed. "Unbelievable! This one? He's the one I rejected for A-class yesterday. You're already a disappointment to me, Genos."

Saitama started to speak up, but before he could even get a word in, Amai Mask flew out through the doorway, enveloped in a green aura. There was a crash from the end of the hall.

Genos was thrown against the wall, while Saitama was looking over at the green haired girl flying by the end of the table.

"That, that, FUCKING PRICK! IT'S HIS FAULT! I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'D FUCKING EXPECT!"

"Hey, woah, calm down Tatsu! Just don't worry about it, ok?" Saitama took her arm and tried to get her to calm down.

She started breathing normally again. She could be calm.

"Well, the brat shows herself to be a brat as always."

Tatsumaki felt her chest freeze. There in the doorway was Amai Mask, his outfit torn up, with the same superior expression.

 _This asshole…_

"You had better back off, Mask, before I decide you don't need limbs anymore. Now GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

"Hah, what a little kid! You're going to kill me for insulting you? Is this a playground brawl to you?" He was laughing now, the same condescending smile on his face. "What do you think—"

"Hey," suddenly, without Tatsumaki or Genos seeing him move, Saitama was standing right in front of Amai Mask. Given his expression of total surprise, Mask hadn't seen him move either.

"You need to leave," he said, his face now totally serious.

Getting over his shock, Amai Mask started in again, "What are you supposed to be, her—"

But they never heard what he was going to say, because suddenly he and Saitama were gone.

"What the…" Tatsumaki's rage fell off as its target disappeared. "Where the hell did they go?"

"Outside, I believe," Genos said. They looked at each other, then made their way quickly to the parking lot.

By the time they got there, they only found Saitama.

"Where did the asshole go?" Tatsumaki demanded angrily.

"He's gone," Saitama replied.

"Gone where?" she asked, her tone still icy.

"I threw him in the river."

She stared for a few seconds, looking right into his eyes.

"Heh." She snorted, then laughed, then laughed some more. Finally she was doubled over in the air, then rolling onto her back with tears in her eyes, still laughing.

Genos looked at his master, who was laughing along with her.

"That smug asshole. I hope he hits a patch of sewage." She stood, then flew up a bit to look him in the eye. "Thanks Saitama."

He shrugged. "I just didn't want to miss dessert, you know?"

There was quite a crowd watching them now, but the three of them walked back into the restaurant. Genos smoothed things over as best as he could while Tatsumaki and Saitama ordered dessert.

She left about eight times the total bill, plus her contact number, just to make sure no one complained. She knew, though, that someone must have gotten them on film.

"Try not to worry about it, Tatsu," Saitama said over his cake.

"I'll try," she replied. _And thanks for keeping it from getting any worse,_ she thought but didn't say.

Despite his expression, she had the feeling that he understood it anyway.

….

It was, to put it bluntly, very bad.

Tatsumaki actually stayed in her apartment for the entire next day, but things only got worse over the course of the news cycle. The Association had not called about it, but she assumed that was out of fear.

She was embarrassed, and angry, to see the pictures, partial video, and the speculation. What should have been a very nice night had been ruined by that idiot pretty boy. He even rejected Saitama for A-class! She was still mad about it.

She read the paper, then threw it away. Watched the news, then turned it off. Browsed the Internet… then threw her phone across the living room.

 _That girl is crazy! She almost killed Amai Mask!_

 _She's a danger to monsters, sure, but she's a danger to heroes too!_

 _Do you think she's in love with Amai Mask?_

 _Maybe it's a triangle with her, the cyborg Genos, and Amai Mask!_

 _Is the Tornado a danger to us all?_

Not all comments were too terrible though.

 _Well she was out at that street fair incognito, and she was careful to disguise herself at this restaurant right? Maybe she's just shy._

 _She wasn't even trying to take credit for that monster. I bet she's doing that all the time, just being a hero undercover!_

 _The Tornado is super strong. Maybe she just didn't want to deal with someone not in S-class?_

The worst of them involved Saitama though.

 _How did this random guy get into B?_

 _Does he have dirt on Tatsumaki or something? He looks creepy._

 _Do you think Tatsumaki might be into that weird guy?_

 _Is he even a hero? Why did he get B rank?_

 _The disgrace of B-class! Saitama gets in through nepotism!_

Saitama assured her that he was not bothered when she texted him, and she tried to believe it. But she was still bothered.

 _Am I ever going to want to show my face again?_ she thought as she laid idly on the sofa.

Around noon, her phone rang.

It was Fubuki.

She almost ignored it. Almost. But Tatsumaki couldn't ignore her younger sister.

An hour and a half later, Tatsumaki was finally out of her pajamas, dressed normally, and drinking coffee when her doorbell rang.

"Hello imouto," she greeted her younger sister.

"Hi, onee-chan. You look better than I expected you to look."

 _Because you always look great, is that it?_

As her younger sister sat down at the breakfast table, Tatsumaki pushed away her lingering jealousy over her sister's more impressive figure, and poured her a cup of coffee.

"Well, I figured it would be best to just avoid this until it blows over," she replied, leaning back in her chair and staring at the ceiling.

"To be honest, I've been concerned."

" _Concerned_?" Her chair flew forward again as she locked eyes with Fubuki. "I'm fine. I was having a great time, in fact, until that idiot pretty boy strolled in uninvited."

"Yes, and I see how well that turned out." Fubuki said in an even tone.

Tatsumaki took a sip of her coffee before replying. "He's obnoxious."

They were quiet for a minute. Tatsumaki assumed her sister was going to avoid further criticism. "So imouto, now that the new heroes are inducted, when are you going to—"

But Fubuki cut her off, speaking but not making eye contact. "Could you explain what's going on with you and those two heroes? The class S and class B? Will you tell me honestly?"

Tatsumaki narrowed her eyes. "Acquaintances. They're acquaintances. I helped Saitama get registered after I saw him kill a monster in City B. And the cyborg is his wannabe student."

"You saw him?" Fubuki looked unsure. "I mean, are you certain this was all your idea?"

"What are you trying to say here?"

Fubuki sighed audibly. "Is this guy Saitama honestly legitimate? I heard a rumor that King was in City B the day you say you met this guy. Plus, to be totally frank, you've been acting really strange onee-chan. You always tell me I'm weak for having friends, but suddenly every time there's a picture of you online he's in it," she said accusingly.

"Look, it's not the same," she said impatiently. "Saitama doesn't need my help, and I don't need his. He's not sucking up for a higher rank, or hiding out in a group," she sounded disgusted at the thought.

"Then why isn't he defending himself? You've seen the terrible things people are writing. This is awful, and even if he doesn't care about himself, what about your reputation?"

"Don't worry about me, ok? I'm fine." She looked away. "And Saitama isn't weak enough to worry about stupid newspapers or internet trolls."

"So I guess things like that only matter for the weak, right?" Fubuki replied.

"Damn right. This is why you need to move up, imouto! Stop helping those losers and start pushing through A-class!" Tatsumaki slapped the table for emphasis. Her sister looked upset. _Maybe she's finally going to listen to me._

"You don't understand at all, onee-chan," she said, frowning.

"Strength is what matters, Fubuki!"

"I'm not strong like you! Why do you always make everything about this…"

"Stop whining! I'm trying to help you here. You never listen!"

"Oh, and you do? Look at the news! People have no idea whether you're being manipulated, in love, or ready to kill us all!"

"I can handle this just FINE myself."

"You always, always act this way!"

"I am doing what I need to do here!"

"Oh, here? In your apartment? When exactly are you planning to leave anyway?"

Tatsumaki glared at her. "I can leave whenever I want! I just don't want to talk to those idiots right now!"

"Just STOP, please." Fubuki sighed and seemed to deflate. "I can't do this."

"Do what? What imouto?" Tatsumaki badgered her, floating to look down on her sister.

Fubuki glared up at her sister. "Never mind. Forget it. You don't want anyone's help, least of all mine. I should have known better." She stood up and started walking toward the door.

"Imouto! I don't need anyone to help me! Understand? No one!"

Her sister didn't reply, and didn't turn around.

And then she was gone.

Shaking, Tatsumaki screamed, and the coffee mugs from the table exploded against the apartment door.


	3. Threat Level Dragon

**Weirdo and Weirdo**

 **Chapter 3:** **Threat Level Dragon**

* * *

Tatsumaki left her apartment the day after Fubuki's visit, when the Association called her about a possible demon level threat. She had not complained, and the caller had not said anything about the recent news coverage. Frankly, she was just glad to have a real excuse to do something.

Being angry and depressed and hiding at home by yourself were not very fulfilling, as it turned out.

The monster wasn't much, but going all out for a bit seemed to improve her mood, so she called Saitama. Just chatting with him over the phone was pleasant; he sounded happy to hear from her too, though it had only been a few days since their dinner.

According to the bald hero, his cyborg student was now functioning as a de facto maid around the apartment, and they were headed out to no man's land for a spar at Genos' request.

She was invited along. Tatsumaki didn't hesitate to accept, and even forgot to be snarky about it.

Tatsumaki hadn't been sure what to expect from Genos, but he was interesting to watch in a fight. It made her wonder about the weirdo scientist who was giving him all these weapon upgrades. Then again, Drive Knight and Metal Knight were around her often enough.

 _Maybe weaponized cyborgs and robots are just more normal than I expected._

Even though it was interesting to see the cyborg go all out, the highlight of the trip was watching the baldy fight.

The Esper was not easily impressed, to say the least. Watching Saitama's little battle with Genos, though, she was once again amazed.

First of all, Genos was clearly going one hundred percent, and even those crazy incinerator blasts of his did absolutely nothing to the caped bald hero. Not even a reaction, like he didn't feel it.

Second, he repeatedly disappeared from view at will, just like he had at the restaurant. Even though she had preternaturally good reflexes herself and could sense things at range with her powers, he was too fast. Faster than anything she had ever seen before.

Last, of course, was the coup de grace, his single attack that he took special care to stop short so that he avoided hitting Genos. It took the cake. If she had not seen it happen, in person, she would not have believed it, even having seen him do that absurd jump. Just the pressure wave from his halted half-punch blew away two sets of hills. Obliterated them.

It was insane. This kind of strength should honestly terrify her, and it would, if it were anyone but Saitama. From him, Tatsumaki thought only to herself, it was still a little frightening, but it was more than a little arousing.

As she stared, unable to contain her shock at the display, Saitama finished his conversation with the cyborg and walked nonchalantly over to her.

He looked so goofy sometimes it was totally disarming, but she knew better. The guy was almost unreal.

"Hey Tatsu, I told Genos we could get some dinner. You coming?" he asked with a little bounce in his step.

She schooled her expression quickly and turned her head to the side. "Sure, I've got nowhere else to be," she replied, then looked at him sidelong. "That was pretty impressive, Saitama."

 _It was fucking incredible, actually, but I just don't know how to tell you that without sounding like a damned fangirl._

"Well, Genos asked for it you know? I guess I need to do something for him since he's paying rent as my disciple now."

She shook her head and floated over to him. He hadn't mentioned the press, the dinner, the pretty boy, B-class, or anything. Just invited her over to hang out, and now have dinner.

 _This… was exactly what I needed._

The Esper smiled. "Let's get some udon, baldy. I'm hungry."

"Wait, who's paying again?" he asked in a more serious tone.

She just had to laugh.

….

The next few weeks were a very enjoyable time for Tatsumaki. She had her occasional jobs from the Association, and in between she was usually hanging out with Saitama (plus Genos).

She ignored the furor around the restaurant incident, and Amai Mask had apparently done his best to dodge the issue in public. It mostly slipped off the front pages, and she was more than willing to forget it. Happily, Saitama did not mention it either.

So she frequently had dinner with Saitama and Genos, ran into monsters with the caped baldy at the grocery store, and played video games. They even went to a movie together; Genos stayed home that time.

It was rather impressive to her how respectful the cyborg was around Saitama, and even her to a degree. He seemed totally convinced that the baldy was a great teacher, and took careful note of the little bits of wisdom that were meted out.

 _If only Fubuki were so receptive_ , Tatsumaki found herself thinking frequently.

….

"Baldy, I have bought you a new coffee machine," she announced proudly when visiting one afternoon, bags floating behind her.

"I didn't have one to begin with."

"Well you do now!" she returned before stepping past him into the apartment. "Now make me some coffee that doesn't suck."

He shook his head and went over to unpack it, while she made herself comfortable.

A few minutes went by, though, and she did not smell coffee brewing.

"Hey, what's the holdup?" she asked, then looked up from the book she was reading.

Saitama was staring, puzzled, at an array of metal and plastic parts. "How does this thing work? I don't want to break it."

"Ugh," she exclaimed, flying over to him. "Let me do it."

"This is not a normal coffee pot, Tatsu. Don't blame me."

"It's a nice coffee pot, that's why, dummy." She stuck her tongue out at him before returning to her task.

"Ok, there! It's done. Make me some coffee," she commanded.

"Uh, Tatsu…"

"What now?" she asked.

"I don't have any coffee."

"Check the bag."

"Ok, these are just beans."

"There's a grinder."

"How does it work?"

She hip-checked him and huffed. "Ok, watch."

"That looks a little more like coffee," he noted once she was finished. "What next?"

He was actually grinning mockingly at her now. She stopped what she was doing and looked at him.

"You're messing with me, aren't you?" she asked in a dangerous tone.

"What, me?" he replied innocently. "Why would I ever do something like that?"

"Yes you!" In the small confines of the kitchen, she flew and tackled him to the floor. "Jerk! Stop teasing me!"

He reached out to ruffle her hair and chuckled a little. She bore the attention stoically.

"I'll finish the coffee," he said.

She floated away to her book again, and a few moments later smelled coffee brewing. Shortly afterward, a terribly cheap looking logo mug appeared in front of her.

"Order up."

She took a sip, then noticed he had a cup as well.

"Huh, this is good," he said, somewhat surprised.

"Well I chose it, after all."

"Thanks for the gift, Tatsu."

"Well it's not just for you you know! I just wanted some decent coffee over here."

"Mmmhmm," he mumbled noncommittally as he drank his coffee.

"I mean it you know!"

"It's ok Tatsu. Come over for coffee whenever you like."

She had to look away at that. "Well, thanks. I will then."

She saw him grin, but did not remark on it.

….

"You ever think about getting a new console?" she asked one evening while they were playing a terrible side scrolling brawler together. The character she was playing was an anthropomorphic cheese that sometimes inexplicably made fire truck noises. She didn't try to understand it. Most of the other games in his collection were similarly bizarre.

Genos was out shopping, so they were alone. In the tight confines of Saitama's living room, they were laid out next to each other, on their stomachs. The Esper's feet were dangling in the air.

She was wearing some pajamas, which she insisted on bringing over and leaving at his place "just for lounging around! Nothing else!"

He had not pressed the matter.

"I try not to think about expensive things, Tatsu," he replied, eyes fixed on his remaining life.

"But this thing's ancient!"

"Ancient and paid for."

"Ugh."

They played in silence for a few moments, before Tatsumaki kicked him.

"You stole that power up! Jerk!"

"Hey, I'm near death here."

"It was the third time!"

"It was the third time I was near death, too."

She kicked him again, then, realizing how ineffectual it was, she flew up and simply dropped herself on him.

Tiny fists landed on his head, pounding furiously.

Finally, she stopped, now laying on his back like a sloth on a branch. "Your stupid bald head hurt my hands."

"I hope you're not expecting an apology here. We're both dead by the way," he said as he turned to try and look at her.

"You're terrible at this," she said, then punched at him listlessly one more time.

….

The next day, she showed up in the late afternoon carrying two large bags and wearing a satisfied expression. Genos seemed surprised to see her looking so cheerful, but wisely refrained from commenting on it to her face. He had learned a little bit about her temper.

"You know, I thought you were busy today," Saitama noted while washing the rice for dinner.

"I was," she announced loftily, and then floated the bag onto the table. "I acquired a gift."

"What really?" He crowded around the table alongside Tatsumaki and Genos. "What is it?"

"Open the bags dummy." She turned to Genos. "And no weird infrared peeking or whatever, Genos."

"Aw, you got me a new console, Tatsu?" Saitama said after excitedly opening the first bag.

"No," she replied, now looking extremely smug. "I got myself a new console. And I will be leaving it over here."

Saitama looked quizzically at Genos. "Sounds like a put-on. This is basically mine now right?"

"Hey! It is mine, and you can use it!" She floated over and poked him in the chest. "And you don't get to pick the games either. No more Nobunaga's Roller Derby Pizza Ambition. I picked out some non-weird games. They're in the other bag."

Saitama folded his arms and looked heavenward. "I accept this deal."

"Heh," she grinned, then grabbed his hands. "Ok, hook it up. I haven't got all night."

"Genos, you do it, I have to cook tonight."

"Yes master. Can I try it out too?"

"Man, that sounds creepy for some reason," Saitama said out loud, then returned to the rice.

….

One of the more peculiar things that happened was the appearance of a few severely injured A-class heroes near Saitama's apartment. Upon contacting the Association, she was told that the baldy was apparently the only resident in this supposed monster hot zone in City Z.

When she told him about it, he just looked perplexed. "Doesn't seem very dangerous here to me…"

She had to concur there.

Saitama was never pushy with her, which she appreciated. She had been periodically stewing about Fubuki, and when he noticed she was upset and asked about it, he wasn't offended by her brief replies. She had told him her sister was the top rank in B-class and they had had an argument, but he didn't ask for more when it was clear she wanted to talk about something else.

Fubuki had not reached out to Saitama with an offer to join the Blizzard Group, or tried any newbie crushing of any kind. She seemed to be pretending he did not exist.

As for Saitama, he remained amazingly unpopular even as his rank in B-class rose slowly. When she reported the weird Kombu monster from his neighborhood, the A-class heroes had gotten the acclaim for their heroism, not him.

He had looked confused when she complained about it. "They worked hard, right? Why worry about it?"

What she heard, even though she tried to avoid it, was the rumor that she, Senritsu no Tatsumaki, had killed the monster and Saitama tried to take the credit.

That was not an isolated incident unfortunately. Since she was around so much, people continued to whisper. Saitama wasn't voicing any concerns, but she was still conflicted about it. She had never made a public statement or anything, and he hadn't asked her to.

Oddly enough, she found an ally in Genos on this matter. The cyborg student was clearly displeased that Saitama was ranked below him and was not well-regarded. They conferred about it some, but ultimately neither of them were able to convince Saitama to really care.

It was a fly in the ointment that she did her best to overlook, since they were having a good time together otherwise.

Honestly, it would have been worse if he didn't live in a dead zone. There were no cameras around for the most part to catch him hanging around with her.

Things were stable though, and she was happy.

Then the Association gave her a call.

As it turned out, Metal Knight had failed to prevent a catastrophe on the far East coast of the continent, so they wanted her to bail them out. She was a little irritated at the distance, since she would be several thousand miles away, and it would definitely take more than a day.

Plus it wasn't even a monster. Just a disaster. A big one, though. Dragon level.

A rapid upsurge of volcanism and seismic activity had been detected, localized to one long-dormant peak by the coast that just so happened to be adjacent to a few large population centers. A full eruption could be a major regional catastrophe, plus a possible continent-wide blackout from ash in the atmosphere.

Her instructions were to prevent the disaster, to the extent that was possible.

"Sounds tough, Tatsu," Saitama noted over the phone as she boarded her plane.

"Well, I am the best you know. Only the hardest ones for S-class rank 2."

"Good luck with it, and stay safe ok?"

She laughed. "Sure thing, I'll do what I can. I'll let you know when I get back."

He paused.

So did she.

"...have a good flight Tatsu. See you soon."

"Yeah, see you soon," she replied, then hung up, sighed, and shook her head.

"Time to go to work."

….

Three days later, Tatsumaki was finally back in City A. The volcanic activity had, naturally, been caused by some giant lava manatee calling itself the "Quadrupedal Magma God." According to what she caught before drowning it offshore, it had been waiting to rise for millennia, ready to destroy humanity, etc.

The volcano had made an enormous mess, and the mile-high column of steam from drowning the stupid lava manatee in the ocean had blanketed the area for almost two days. She was exhausted and filthy when she was finally able to take a break, but in retrospect it felt pretty good. She had saved a lot of lives.

The monster hadn't been hard for her to kill exactly, but the whole investigation, monster emerging, lava disaster, monster fight, and then lava containment and cleanup had taken forever. It was exhausting, and Tatsumaki had been all over the place using her powers constantly, without rest. Consequently she had been incommunicado (the infrastructure damage had not helped), and had slept the whole flight home, still a mess from the mission.

She waited to get home and take a shower before she turned her phone back on, wanting to at least feel less covered with ash and grime before talking to Saitama. She was planning to text him and maybe invite him out for dinner, no Genos. It would be fun, and she could hopefully blow off some of the accumulated stress of this latest fiasco, the lack of contact from her sister, and the lingering cloud of suspicion over Saitama's ranking. She needed some time to relax.

Maybe she'd even invite him to her place for once. It was tempting.

While drying her hair, she flipped on the TV.

"— Z has an enormous number of problems in the wake of the aborted meteor impact. At least twenty percent of the city has sustained heavy damage from meteor fragments, and thousands are without homes or power. Miraculously no deaths were reported, as the meteor fragments lacked any significant kinetic energy when they impacted the ground. We turn now to—"

Tatsumaki stared at the report with wide eyes.

As she watched, the next report, edited together from some phone video, was both a relief and horrifying to watch.

Saitama was fine. But she saw two of the lower ranked tank top heroes accusing him of being at fault for the meteor collision. At the end, Genos had to lead him away.

 _How did this happen? Are they both homeless now? And those fucking tank tops. I can't believe they would say something like that!_

The news reports were unforgiving. Beyond that, they didn't show much in the way of actual events, but she could see from their limited footage that Saitama must have shattered the meteor and killed its momentum somehow.

 _God damn it. God damn it! Those losers in C and B are trying to drag him down, again!_

She hurriedly got dressed, and messaged Saitama. "Hey, I just saw the news when I got back. Are you ok?"

She really, truly hoped he was all right. He had borne up well under the scorn before, but this was on a whole other level.

Tatsumaki quickly became agitated when there was no reply. She hated feeling powerless.

"Hey. You ok? Where are you?" she tried again, getting more frustrated.

Finally, after too many minutes of pacing around her apartment and getting more angry and worried, he replied.

"Hi Tatsu! I'm fine. I actually just got to your sister's place right now. She called me over to talk."

It took all her effort not to break the damned phone.

 _Fubuki! Damn it, what is she doing with him? What is she telling him? Probably trying to recruit Saitama for her stupid Blizzard Group!_

Or, she reflected, talking about the two of them. Fubuki had been suspicious of Saitama from the start. Was she interrogating him about his hero credit, while he was already suffering from the latest blow? Or just trying to sabotage his relationship with her? Was she blabbering about the past that she hadn't been ready to share with him yet?

Tatsumaki let out a long string of curses, then left her apartment and took to the air.

….

It didn't take long to reach her sister's headquarters, but it seemed like forever to her. She slammed her hand on the door once, then blew it backwards into the hall.

"Fubuki!" She roared into the main room, encased in her green aura, teeth bared, "What the hell are you up to with Saitama?"

What greeted her was a comically silent Fubuki, Saitama, and Genos, all sitting around a table, frozen in shock, while some of the Blizzard Group looked on.

"Ms. Tatsumaki?"

"Eh?"

"Onee-chan? What's wrong?"

It was only a second before her embarrassment rolled into the rest of her anger.

"What's wrong? Damn it, what do you think is wrong? I leave for three days and a fucking meteor falls on City Z? Saitama saves the day, _again_ , and then gets blasted by the media and harangued by the citizens and those ungrateful C and B rank tank top pricks! I'll take their damn heads! That master of theirs needs to be told how to keep that trash in line! Those losers shouldn't even be heroes!"

She took a deep breath and was getting ready to start again when Saitama stopped her.

"Woah, calm down! It's fine, ok? I'm not in this for their appreciation—"

She looked at him, furious. _Why does he never understand?_

"I DON'T CARE! IT IS WRONG, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? WRONG!"

Genos and Fubuki just stared aghast as she started ranting again.

"THOSE BASTARDS JUST WANT TO TEAR YOU DOWN BECAUSE THEY'RE WEAK!"

"Hey, onee-chan, that's enough all right?" Fubuki spoke up, hesitation in her voice.

"Oh really?" She turned to face her sister, venom in her voice. "You're the weak one here, calling Saitama over. What are you doing, huh? Either trying to make him quit, or recruiting him for your fucking little league team! I hate you lower class worms! You ruin everything!"

"Tatsumaki." Saitama was serious as he grabbed her by the shoulders. "You need to calm down now, all right?"

"Calm down? What, did this little sister of mine already get you on her side, cue ball? Maybe you don't know about her, so I'll tell you! SHE'S AFRAID OF BEING STRONG SO SHE WANTS TO DRAG YOU DOWN WITH HER!"

"Tatsumaki," he said softly, "strength isn't everything. You shouldn't insult people like this, especially your sister."

"Fuck you! Fuck both of you! I can't believe you're taking her side here!"

"Yes, Saitama," Fubuki said bitterly. "I mean you better take her side since you're her damned boyfriend. Look at the real grown up lady tantrum she's throwing!"

"My what?" she said, her aura intensifying. "Look imouto, this egghead is NOT my boyfriend. We are NOT dating, and—"

"What are you talking about?" Saitama said with surprise in his voice. "Of course we're dating." He seemed legitimately perplexed.

She tilted her head and looked at him like he just slapped her. "The hell? We are _not dating_ baldy."

"I'm pretty sure we are," he seemed somewhere between confusion and incredulity. "Should I list all the couple things we've been doing since we met?" he said. "Festival, movies, gaming together, you laying all over me at my apartment, buying me things, leaving your clothes at my place, hugging, worrying about each other..." He looked at oddly. "You really say we're not?"

"WHY ARE YOU CONTRADICTING ME YOU IDIOT?" she exploded, yelling in his face. "You're just a loser I helped! I've been hanging out just to be nice, moron! I'd never date a fucking B-class loser hero with no hair who can't stand up for himself and is TOO STUPID TO TAKE MY ADVICE!"

She stopped, and a beat later her eyes widened in horror.

Genos was still silent, but instead of looking shocked, he just looked angry now. Before he could say anything though, Saitama spoke up.

"Ok. Fine. No more. I'm out."

And just like that, he was gone. Genos took a hard look at her, then turned away and walked out.

Very slowly, the Blizzard Group members started to leave the room. When they were all gone, Fubuki started to speak.

"Don't," Tatsumaki said, her voice very raw, as she tried not to cry. "Just don't. I'm leaving."

She flew away from Fubuki, and then she was alone.

….

"Master is a great teacher, and he is always humble, and something of a homebody, but lately…" Genos's voice trailed off.

"You're worried about him, right?"

"Yes. I truly do not believe your sister's words, based on what I have seen of the two of them together."

Fubuki took a deep breath, tapped the phone against the side of her head, and sighed.

Genos had contacted her after their failed meeting, when it had become apparent that Tatsumaki was not going to contact Saitama. Things were not getting any better, however, and Fubuki was not sure what to do about it.

"Were they good together?" she asked, curious.

"I believe they understood one another, and enjoyed each other's company, yes. And I do not think Master is taking this well at all."

"Neither is she." Fubuki paused a moment and bit her lip. "I'm not sure what to do here."

"I do not know either. He is always patient with me, but I do not think he would like it if I involved myself in this further."

"Maybe you should just be supportive, Genos."

There was silence for a moment before he replied.

"You may be right, Ms. Fubuki. Thank you. You must be a very good sister to Ms. Tatsumaki."

"I wonder about that… I think you're a better student than I am a sister."

"Perhaps Ms. Tatsumaki is just not responding well enough as a sister, then. But I do not really know. Please forgive me if I said something untoward," the cyborg sounded apologetic.

"No," she said, a little surprised. "Thank you, really. And you can just call me Fubuki, all right? It's a little weird hearing that from an S-class."

"Very well, Fubuki. Thank you for speaking with me about this."

"Sure thing. Good luck."

"To you as well."

Fubuki hung up the phone and rubbed her forehead. Her older sister had her share of problems, for sure, but it hadn't really occurred to her how isolated she was. _Does onee-chan have anyone at all to talk to?_

Fubuki had her group, and even though many were distant and respectful, they were her companions. Plus, she always had her older sister to talk to.

Tatsumaki never reached out to her for help, ever. Fubuki was starting to wonder whether she even knew how.

….

 _You're the worst. The worst kind of scum. You should have died out there, you trash hero. Do the rest of us a favor and just kill yourself._

"Ah. This guy's got a lot of free time, huh?" Saitama set the letter down next to the table, away from Genos' fan mail.

He did not make eye contact with his roommate/disciple, because he knew that Genos was really on edge. Saitama was actually afraid he might start crying.

"Master, please let me find out who is sending such awful—"

"Genos," he said softly, his voice even. So maybe it was righteous anger today, huh?

The cyborg bowed, and the bald hero was careful not to acknowledge it.

"I'm sorry master. It's just…"

"I know. But it's not important."

Saitama took a deep breath, then sipped his tea. _Maybe I really am turning into an old man_ , he thought idly. _All over before the starting bell, I guess._

"Fan mail's nice, but I didn't start doing this for letters." He waited a moment, then looked over at the younger man. "I'm all right, Genos."

The cyborg met his gaze, then stood up and walked into the restroom, and Saitama heard him start crying.

Saitama sighed, and let his face fall into a frown. He looked around the quiet apartment, and his eyes happened to fall on the out of place, overpriced coffee pot.

He closed his eyes.

"Genos, I'm going out for a while. Be back later."

….

Running into Mumen Rider had been… pleasant. Really nice. His letter had been appreciated too.

Saitama had a lot of respect for the guy. It was hard to try something impossible. It was even harder when you knew it was impossible going in.

And it was hardest of all when people were counting on you, and you could make them believe in you, make them believe in something that was impossible from the start.

 _That guy… he just might be the most real hero around._

The business with the Sea King had been ugly. Lots of heroes hurt, killed, and maligned in the press, even days afterward.

But it could have been much worse. And he knew it hadn't been worse because he had made it in time.

 _Genos almost died._

It was a shocking thing for him to think, really. Genos was tough, but more than that, he had worked his way into Saitama's life over the past months. The bald hero had a hard time trying to teach him anything, but Genos seemed satisfied.

Well, until recently. Now, after his little bad guy show in front of the evacuation shelter, Genos just looked either sad or angry.

Saitama stuck his hands in his pockets and tried not to sigh again. It was too weird thinking of Genos dying, never coming back to the apartment.

Thinking about it made him think about her, and it hurt. A lot.

A few months back he had been thinking that his strength had cost him the ability to feel, like he had stopped being human. He thought he understood things a bit better now though. Sure, there was no challenge to be had fighting anymore, but it wasn't that that had stolen away his feelings.

It was being alone. Staying in his apartment, training every day, fighting every day, almost never speaking to anyone at all. Once the excitement of battles had gone, there was nothing left in his life. No family, no friends…

 _Nothing else._

She had changed everything though, the day she had shoved her overbearing, superior face into his affairs and dragged him into her world.

She was egotistical, dismissive, rude, and intolerant. Totally confident in her superior power, she looked on everyone around her as potential trouble to be dealt with, or unworthy of notice.

She could have been a real monster with a resume like that, flying around and wrecking everything in sight. Saitama knew there was almost no one who could stop her if she went on a rampage.

But she wasn't like that. For all the bluster and anger, she helped people every day. She was a whole basket of trouble, obviously covering up for some weird insecurities she'd never told him about, and rarely letting her walls down.

But she was attractive, and fun, and funny, and just generally great, and it killed him to think that if he ever saw her again, she would just ignore him.

He had been interested from the moment he saw her.

It didn't hurt that she was so cute, and flew around in that little dress either.

Saitama had not answered his phone at all since Tatsumaki's explosion at Fubuki's. She had not come by. He had not tried to contact her.

He knew his feelings were still there, because he was miserable every time he thought about her.

 _It was a good time though, maybe some of the best times I've had._

He figured that wasn't half bad, really.

He hadn't pushed to kiss her, or visit her place, or hug her much. Maybe that had been a mistake, but he had been afraid to screw it up.

 _Guess I did anyway._

When he had killed the Sea King, he felt some real happiness for saving everyone, saving his fellow heroes, and saving the civilians. He never took it personally when the people were angry about the meteor in City Z; it was trouble, and that made people mad.

But what he heard behind him, with the dead body of the Sea King on the ground at his feet and Genos barely alive, that made him angry.

At that moment, he understood a little more about Tatsumaki's feelings. She was wrong, but you didn't feel things because they were right.

He was smart enough to know that, even if he was a dummy.

And he had at least been smart enough to fix things, mostly. He was glad it worked.

The part of it he really didn't like was that they were probably saying Tatsumaki was an idiot for helping him out, or trusting him, or whatever.

But there was only so much a person could do, even when they were a hero. He could solve unsolvable problems, big ones, for everyone else. It was easy. He just had to punch them.

These problems though, the ones that were just his, were a lot harder to deal with.

He supposed it shouldn't be a big surprise that she hadn't trusted him, or that he had been wrong about their relationship. No one trusted him, except Genos, and Saitama knew perfectly well that he was a fraud of a master.

He'd been walking for a long while now. The apartment was in sight, in the middle of the empty neighborhood.

Saitama went on home. There was no need to make his disciple worry any more than he was already.

….

It was dark in the bedroom, and it was quiet. She was underneath the comforter, but she wasn't sleeping. She hadn't slept for a couple of days now.

In fact, she hadn't left the bedroom either.

"You know, I used to think you were the bravest person in the whole world. But you're just a fucking coward."

Senritsu no Tatsumaki shifted angrily under the comforter, but did not reply to her younger sister's taunt.

"You're coming out of this room, onee-chan." She did not sound amused.

Tatsumaki remained silent.

Fubuki yanked the bedclothes off and out of the room with her powers. Her sister's reaction was sadly predictable.

"Imouto! Leave me alone! I'll kill you!"

Tatsumaki looked up at her younger sister expecting pity, but found only disgust.

"Get out of bed and come talk to me like an adult. I'll make coffee." Then she turned and walked out.

The small woman thought hard about saying no, but in the end she didn't have the energy. Instead she floated herself into the bathroom quietly, her head down, and took a shower.

….

She silently poured a cup of coffee and sat down at the table across from her sister. After a few gulps to fortify herself, she met the taller woman's eyes.

"When's the last time you slept?"

"I don't remember," she said softly. "Just been drifting in and out."

"What about food?"

The smaller Esper shrugged and stared at her coffee.

Fubuki closed her eyes and swallowed, steeling herself. Then she opened them and spoke.

"You said some hateful shit, you know."

Tatsumaki didn't react.

"Not just to me. Not just to my friends, or the other heroes, or the Association, or even the damned people you save on a regular basis." She paused. "I'm surprised he didn't take a swing at you. I would have, if I thought it would have hurt."

Tatsumaki remained silent for a long moment.

"He wouldn't, because he would never want to hurt me," she said finally.

"I'm glad you're not a total loss, then," Fubuki replied. "I was beginning to wonder if there was anything left under all that screaming."

"I've done enough screaming for a while."

"Yeah. You have."

Tatsumaki shook softly in her chair. _I don't know what to do, what to say, how to make this right._

"Did you mean it?" Fubuki asked, not looking at her.

"Some of it. It didn't come out of nowhere." She was too tired to try to lie.

They were both silent for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, Fubuki."

"You god damned better be!" her younger sister replied harshly. "I mean I have put up with some shit from you before, but that was way, _way_ over the line. What made you…" Her voice trailed off, because something was happening that she had never seen, or at least could not remember ever having seen.

Tatsumaki was crying.

For a moment, Fubuki didn't know how to react. From the time she could remember anything, she remembered her sister enduring everything thrown at her. Fubuki was always the one who cried, and she always cried to her big sister.

She stood and walked over to her older sister, then tentatively drew her into a hug.

Tatsumaki started sobbing.

"It was, it was…" she tried to start speaking. Fubuki rubbed her back softly.

"It was too much! Just too much all at once!"

"What do you mean, onee-chan?" she asked softly.

"I didn't know what to do! I was tired from the volcano stuff, and I've been mad about Saitama getting crapped on by everybody. I was mad at them for doing it, and mad at him for taking it! I was mad about the other heroes talking down about him, and then I saw that horrible thing with the two tank top guys and that crowd in City Z."

She drew in her breath.

"I couldn't believe they did that to him. Genos had to make him leave! You know how patient he is! He must have been miserable… but then as soon as I talked to him it was like nothing happened, and he was already at your place."

She sniffled, then looked at her sister. "I was afraid, and jealous I guess. I thought you didn't trust him and you'd run him off, make him feel worse, or maybe you'd get him to join up. I hated both of those."

She wiped her eyes and looked down.

"So I got mad. And when you said we were together… I got scared. I never asked him on a date, or kissed him. I just wanted him to back me up when I denied it. That's all."

Fubuki sighed. "So you threw a fit."

"Yeah," Tatsumaki replied hoarsely. "And now he's perfectly sure I hate him. The only reason you're here is because you're my sister. I know everyone else must hate me right now."

"I didn't come over because I'm your sister," Fubuki said. "I came because I care about you. Don't you usually give me unwanted advice for the same reason?"

She smiled a little, and Tatsumaki made an echo of the smile at her. "Maybe so."

"Let me order some food, ok? I need you to eat."

"Ok."

"Good." Tatsumaki felt her sister give her a small kiss on the top of her head.

She didn't object.

….

Tatsumaki still had bags under her eyes, but she had eaten, and cried, and generally escaped from her bedroom. Fubuki knew she needed to rest, but she also knew her sister needed to see what had been going on.

"I need to show you what happened a few days ago in City J, while you were hiding out."

"What is it?" The older sister asked, worried.

"Just watch it, ok?"

She started the video.

….

Tatsumaki was crying again.

"This is even worse than before! Everyone must hate him!"

"Yeah, well, it's not good. Genos has been calling me, and he's worried. I don't know anything about Saitama, or if Genos is reading things right, but he is seriously upset."

"What am I gonna do? I don't know what to do!"

"Woah, calm down onee-chan." Fubuki interrupted her. "Look, I knew you needed to see this, but you need to rest right now."

"Now? I have to fix this!"

"You need to sleep, ok? You look practically undead. Just go and sleep, and when you wake up you can think about what to do." She looked worriedly at her older sister.

"...all right. I'll rest for now." Tatsumaki rubbed her eyes tiredly. "But tomorrow I need to do something. I'll figure it out."

"Good," Fubuki replied softly, guiding her sister into her bedroom again. "Just try to rest."

When Tatsumaki was tucked in, she took her sister's hand before the other woman backed away.

"Imouto… I just… I'm sorry. And thank you. And… I love you."

"Love you too, sis."


	4. Threat Level God

**Weirdo and Weirdo**

 **Chapter 4:** **Threat Level God**

* * *

She knocked carefully on the apartment door, after waiting and psyching herself up for a whole minute after she landed. Tatsumaki had managed to sleep through to the afternoon, then woken up, gotten dressed, and had paced nervously around her living room while trying to figure out what to do.

She didn't end up thinking of anything.

She had just flown over, hoping for the best.

Genos answered the door and looked at her, then stepped out and closed the door behind him. It was getting dark outside, and the abandoned quarter by the apartment was eerily silent. The green-haired woman looked away from the cyborg's stare and wrung her hands.

"I noticed you waiting outside. Saitama-sensei is not here right now."

She bit her lip, and the young man sighed. "If you're here to apologize to him, I will allow you to come in. Otherwise I'll run you off myself."

She nodded. "I just want to talk with him. You don't need to make threats."

"Good." He opened the door and gestured for her to come in.

As she sat down at the small table and looked around, Tatsumaki reflected that it had not been terribly long since she was here last, but sitting there, it felt like a very long time.

Genos did not offer her coffee, or tea. He just returned to doing the dishes.

When he was finished, he came to sit down across from her.

"I have been observing Saitama-sensei for a few months now," the cyborg began. "Throughout that whole time, you've been around him. Sometimes you were terse, or rude, but you seemed to be at least a genuine friend. I even thought you two were together."

She said nothing.

"After learning from him for all this time, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what sensei was like. I was continually amazed by his equanimity. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. Nothing bothered him. One day I happened to mention the Hero Association's emergency threat levels to him, and he didn't even know what they were. After I explained them, I joked that they didn't matter to sensei, since they were all the same to him." Genos looked at her seriously. "Do you know how he replied? He told me 'Of course not! If heroes run away, who's left to help?'"

He paused a moment, then took a deep breath before continuing. "Master is a real hero. He doesn't care about rankings, or acclaim, or even strength. I believe that is how he became as powerful as he is today. But I realized after what happened with you, and then with the Sea King, that I did not really know him at all. He is willing to let others hate him. But it is not because he feels nothing."

Genos stood up and looked down at her, then tossed a folded piece of paper on the table. "Read that. It came in the mail for Saitama-sensei today. I'm going out for the evening. Master is already headed this way, and at his current speed should arrive in less than a half hour."

He paused at the door for a moment when she spoke up. "Thanks, Genos. You know… I'm glad you're Saitama's disciple."

He made a soft smile at that. "I am as well. Good luck, Ms. Tatsumaki."

….

"Hey Genos, I'm back," Saitama called as he closed the apartment door behind him. "I already had dinner so…" His voice fell away to nothing.

Tatsumaki was sitting at the table. She was staring at that hateful letter from earlier. When she looked up at him, he could see that she was trying desperately not to cry.

She floated up and extended her hand over toward him, but then stopped, her arm folding back against her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Saitama," she said softly.

He just stared at her, his mouth hanging open. He had not expected to ever see her here again.

She looked away from him and sniffled.

"Tatsumaki… why are you here?" he asked. It hurt to ask, really. He wasn't sure he was going to like what she had to say. "Is it about that stuff?" He gestured to the letter on the table. "That's not your fault. I just-"

"No!" she interjected loudly.

He stopped speaking and waited.

"No," she said more softly. "I mean, that's part of why I'm here. But not really." She looked up at him again. "Do you want to, I mean, will you sit down? Please?"

Now confused and anxious, Saitama sat down wordlessly, while she returned to sit on the opposite side of the table.

"My sister came to see me yesterday. I hadn't been answering the phone, or leaving my bedroom. She was…" The woman sighed heavily. "She was worried about me. Even with all the things I said, she was still worried. She dragged me out of bed and we talked."

He stayed quiet, just listening.

"I told her I wanted to fix things. Then she showed me a video of what happened in City J the other day."

"Ah, Tatsumaki, it's ok," he replied. "I'll be fine."

"No, you won't!" she said angrily.

Saitama could see tears running down her cheeks.

He had never seen her cry before, and was too stunned to reply.

"You won't. I know you're strong, but you're still human. And that was… having to do that… it was awful." She swallowed audibly, and he tried to ignore the sick, tense feeling in his throat.

"I didn't come here about that, exactly."

"What is it then?" he asked, his voice tight.

"At Fubuki's, when I yelled at you and told you we weren't in a relationship-"

"Look," he broke in, fumbling over his words and looking down, "I don't know where I got it. I just read it all wrong and took things the wrong way, and I hope the past few weeks I didn't act like a creep OK? I just didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't want to push you, and maybe that was the right idea, since you weren't feeling the same way."

He took a breath, then bowed his head to her so he wouldn't have to see her pity for him. It wasn't as bad as the Sea King thing had been though. He was telling the truth after all.

"I'm sorry, Tatsumaki."

"STOP IT!" she cried out, flying across the table to lift up his head with her hands. "Please, stop!" she sobbed. "This is all wrong, this isn't what I wanted!"

He met her teary eyes, not sure how to feel any longer. "What do you mean?"

"I thought we were dating too! I didn't want to say it out loud, I thought you'd just say no, or laugh it off. I've never had a boyfriend! No one was ever close to me except Fubuki, and I didn't know what to do when she suddenly said it out loud!" She said it all in a rush. "No one ever treated me like you did, like a real woman." She looked down, her hands falling limp onto his shoulders. "It was… really wonderful."

Saitama looked at her, shocked. "You mean, I was right? You like me?" He knew he sounded like a kid, but he didn't have the words to say it any other way.

Tatsumaki turned her head away and suddenly looked very small. "Well, yeah. I like you a lot Saitama. I've never felt like this with anyone before."

Suddenly, the letter on the table, the sneering press coverage, and the ugly looks of some of the people around town just left his head entirely, and he smiled at her. "Really? Cause that's how I feel too, Tatsu."

Then he pulled her in for a hug, and tried not to squeeze too tightly.

She enjoyed it for a moment, then hugged him back. After a moment she drew back and looked at him, smiling and no longer crying.

Then she leaned in and kissed him.

She had never kissed anyone before, so she was not sure she knew what she was doing, but she decided to go for it and parted her lips.

Everything she felt, she was feeling for the first time. Her tongue against his, the shuddering breath when one of his hands cupped the back of her head and his fingers threaded through her hair, the crazy feeling of intoxication when he pulled her down or she knocked him backward or whatever it was that was happening to her.

By the time she regained a hazy sense of what she was doing, he was laying over her, and she was on the floor. Tatsumaki's heart was pounding, and it felt like it was pumping ninety percent adrenaline through her body.

Saitama looked at her with a very serious expression, caught his breath, and kissed her again.

….

"So I was thinking," she said softly, playing with her hair, "that I've been wrong about a lot of things."

They were still mostly dressed, lying on his futon. Her shirt was hanging open, his was off, and she was sporting a few interesting bite marks, but they had stopped before going any further.

It had been awfully hard to stop, but Saitama was a guy who was pretty well in control of himself.

Plus, neither of them wanted to screw things up.

"Wrong about what?" he asked, watching her.

"My sister, I guess. The other heroes. How people look at me. What I should care about. I think I've been worried about all the wrong things."

"You know, I told your sister I wasn't interested in joining the Blizzard Group."

"Really? When?"

"Right before you flew in, actually."

She frowned a little. "What did you say to her?"

"I told her she had the same kind of bad ideas you did."

She stopped playing with her hair and looked right at him. "You're going to have to explain that one."

He shrugged, a carefree expression back on his face. "She gathers all those people together to hoard power in the B-class, then has a good time swooping in to rescue them. Fubuki just holds herself back at a rank she isn't satisfied with. She's afraid of being too weak to be the top of A-class. Remember, you said you hated everyone who actually is weak? Fubuki's keeps herself busy trying to be a hero to her group so she can forget about being scared to match up with anything tougher. She's miserable because she's believing the same stuff you said you believed."

Tatsumaki took a moment to digest that. "I guess you might be right. I've hounded her about it for so long that I never realized she might just hate being weak as much as I hated her not trying to prove her strength."

She hugged him and hid her face against his chest.

"After I saw what you did in City J, I think I understood a little better what you meant. Strength isn't everything. Even when you never lose, it doesn't mean much by itself. It's what you do with what you have that matters."

"Come on Tatsu, don't make me sound like some wise old monk," he joked, running his fingers through her hair. "I get enough of that from Genos."

She leaned her head back to look at him. "You're smarter than you give yourself credit for."

"And you're nicer than you give yourself credit for." He smirked. "When you want to be."

She smiled happily, then leaned in close to him again.

"Hey, I wanted to tell you something. I was afraid. Afraid that Fubuki would talk about some things that happened to us, but now I think I want to tell you myself."

"All right, Tatsu," he said. "Want me to make some coffee for you?"

"Yeah," she said as she sat up. "That'd be nice." She started buttoning her shirt, but realized that he was staring at her, so she tried what she hoped was a sexy expression and teased him a little. "Interested, baldy?"

"Hmm…" he said absently, still staring, then abruptly looked at her face. "Uh, yeah. I'll make coffee."

She was blushing, but she was glad to see that he was too.

A few minutes later she was sitting back at the table. Saitama had removed the offending letter from earlier, and set it aside.

"It's hard to talk about, I guess," she began. "I asked about why you became a hero, but I never really told you why I became one." She sipped her coffee and looked away. "When we were kids, Fubuki and me, we were obviously espers. When we were still young, a group approached my family and offered money to more or less take custody us. My family gave us away."

She frowned, and Saitama motioned her to continue.

"They kept us for a long time. I was a lab rat, basically, and Fubuki was like a control for the experiment. It was…" She looked distant. "Horrible. But one day, someone broke into the facility, maybe by accident, maybe just good luck. It was Blast. He turned and looked at me, and I was so happy to be rescued, to be able to be free… but he told me, 'When the time comes, don't go expecting someone to come save you,' and then he left us alone." She took another sip of her coffee. "I decided to become strong after that, so no one would ever need to save me again."

"So why be a hero?" he asked.

"I guess even though I think people should try to be strong, Blast rescued me when I was weak. I don't want people hurt just because they're weak."

"Me either," he replied, then reached across the table to take her hand. "You're plenty strong, Tatsumaki."

"I guess," she said softly, then looked at him and smiled. "So, you think you're stronger? We never did have that spar."

He looked contemplative, then shrugged. "Maybe we can do it for fun sometime."

"Hmm… so you never had a girlfriend?" She asked.

"Nah, never had one in school. Then when I was working, well, I couldn't afford one. And after I started training I was too busy." He paused, then touched his scalp. "Plus I lost my hair about a year and a half into training, so I figured a girlfriend wasn't in the cards."

"I like the way you look, baldy," she smiled.

"Well, you're not so bad to look at either," he replied with a smile of his own.

"I'm exhausted, Saitama," she said after a moment, fidgeting with her coffee mug. "Can I, ah, can I stay over tonight?"

"Sure, Tatsu. Let's get some sleep." It would be a tight fit on his futon, but he wasn't going to complain.

….

The next morning, Tatsumaki woke up feeling very warm. She could feel Saitama's arms around her, and she could tell from his breathing that he was still asleep. She didn't want to get up. Things were perfect.

She snuggled closer to him, and her heart beat a little faster.

Then she realized she could smell fresh coffee brewing.

Frowning a little, she floated out of Saitama's arms, careful to let him remain asleep, and kept floating around the corner and into the living area. There, as she had expected, was Genos.

He nodded in her direction, his expression stoic.

"Good morning, Genos," Tatsumaki said quietly, then yawned and floated over to the coffee maker.

"Good morning, Ms. Tatsumaki," he returned.

It was clear he wanted to know something, but couldn't quite make himself ask about it.

She got some coffee for herself in a Hero Association mug, then went to sit down across from the cyborg.

She hadn't considered this at all last night. Of course, it was just one of a thousand things she had not considered, because they were of secondary importance. Saitama had told her how he felt, so she was confident she could deal with the other stuff.

She just wasn't totally sure how, so she drank a little more coffee.

Genos remained silent.

"I apologized last night, and we're dating." When she got no reaction, she continued. "I think he's happy."

Genos nodded and looked relieved. "I'm really glad, for both of you."

"Both of us?" She asked.

"You look very happy as well."

She had to look away at that, and tried to cover her surprise by drinking some more coffee.

"I hope you know I'll be here to support him. He's not going to deal with all this alone," she said, still trying to be quiet. "I'm not going anywhere now."

Genos smiled a little at that. "Neither am I, Ms. Tatsumaki. He is still my sensei, and I will be following him for as long as he allows it."

"You're so serious, you know that, cyborg?" she said with a little laugh. "But I'm really grateful that you were here with him. Thanks, Genos." She took a breath. "And I'm sorry for, well, a bunch of things, but I'm sorry for being kind of a bitch to you for the last… well, since I've known you."

The younger man was quiet for a moment, then looked right at her. "Well, I understand that it wasn't personal. You're kind of a bitch to everyone, right?"

She just stared at him, then snickered, then laughed and looked away. "God damn it. All of a sudden you've got an attitude. But you're not wrong." She gave him a half-smile. "Keep telling it like it is, Genos. I think I like you better this way."

Saitama chose that moment to wander into the room, gravitating to the coffee machine initially before sitting down beside the green-haired woman and giving her a slightly hesitant kiss.

He smiled when she gave him one in return.

"Well," he coughed, then looked over and Genos. "Morning."

"Good morning, sensei. Should I prepare breakfast?" Genos replied, ignoring his master's awkwardness

"Eh," Tatsumaki floated up over the table. "I think I'll take care of it today."

Saitama and Genos just exchanged amused looks with one another.

"I can do this myself, you know. I know how to cook lots of things! You'd better appreciate it!"

"We will."

"Thanks Tatsu."

Tatsumaki smiled and got to work. It was going to be a good day. She was going to make sure of that.

….

"So," Tatsumaki said while Saitama washed the dishes, "I want to go visit my sister today."

"Oh, all right."

"...you need to come too, you know," she added, slightly annoyed.

"You sure she's not busy today?"

"I just messaged her."

"All right. When do we leave?"

She looked at him a little curiously. "You don't mind?"

"Going to see your sister? No, not really," he replied.

"I meant me telling you we were going I guess. Was I being pushy?" She sounded a little nervous now.

He looked confused. "You're not being pushy. I figured you might want to talk about this with her anyway." He finished up with the dishes and sat down next to her. "Don't worry, Tatsu. If you do something I don't like, I'll tell you. Just make sure you do the same for me." He scratched his head. "I'd rather be obvious and clear out loud than just screw it up trying to read the mood."

She gave a relieved sigh and smiled at him. "Good. I don't want to screw up again either."

"So, when are we leaving?" he asked again.

"I need to go home and get some other clothes, shower I guess." Her eyes brightened a little. "Hey, you've never come by my place before. Let's go now."

"Sure," he said easily.

"Oh, and make sure to wear something kind of nicer than usual."

"What do you mean?"

"In the interest of looking like a couple, I thought we could avoid your cape and my usual dress."

"But I love the way you look in that dress," he replied guilelessly.

"Oh...well...I guess we could go like that then…" Tatsumaki played idly with her hair and started floating.

"Plus I can kind of guess that my clothes aren't gonna pass muster, Tatsu." He sighed. "Maybe it's time to go shopping."

"Now that sounds like a fun date, you know," she said in a painfully leading tone.

"Is it a date then?" he asked, grinning.

"It's a date," she replied happily.

"Master, pretending to read does not mean I cannot hear your personal discussion. I am still here," Genos called from behind the newspaper.

"I'm going to get dressed," Tatsumaki said hastily.

"Yeah. Me too."

"Please enjoy yourselves," the cyborg replied, still behind the paper.

….

"Wow, your place is super nice, Tatsu. You must be rich, right?"

She shrugged and floated toward the kitchen for a glass of water. "The Association pays me a lot, and I don't use it for much. Want something to drink?"

Saitama didn't reply, and when she turned around she had to look embarrassed. He was pointing at a three-foot tall stuffed egg in the corner of the living room.

"You really kept that?"

"Well you won it for me, didn't you?" she said, turning back to get him some cold tea. "I tried sleeping with it, but it smells really weird."

She heard him snickering, but chose not to comment on it. Then she had a thought.

 _Time for revenge. Let's see what you do with this!_

Tatsumaki floated his glass of tea over, then flew over toward her bedroom, unbuttoning her shirt. "Hey, baldy, I'm going to shower." She turned slowly and looked at him, made sure he was in fact staring at her, and then turned and floated casually into the next room. "Make yourself at home," she called and waved over her shoulder.

Tatsumaki did her best to conceal the excited grin on her face. First, she made sure to leave the bedroom door open. Second, she audibly ruffled her clothes as she took them off, taking longer than normal to do so. Third, she sighed and stretched before floating to the bathroom.

She was positive he heard her.

 _Now, the coup de grace! What are you going to do, Saitama?_

She left the bathroom door open.

Stepped into the shower.

Started washing very slowly, and humming softly.

 _Perfect!_

A minute went by, then another. She stopped humming.

 _Come on dummy! Do I have to drag you in here myself or what?_

By the time she started washing her hair she was no longer excited, and instead just miffed. Finishing up, she wrapped a towel around her head and threw on a robe, then marched out into the living room.

"Hey, didn't you see that I left the door open? You were supposed to come check me out, or lean into the shower, or take advantage of me!"

Saitama turned to look at her from his position lazing on her sofa. "Eh? That'd be super creepy Tatsu. I'm not doing that uninvited."

She stared at him, mouth open. He stared back, scratching his stomach.

Tatsumaki shrieked and crashed into him, the towel around her hair flying off across the room. She was holding him by the shoulders and looking at him with a frown. "You were interested though, right? Tempted? Thinking about me in the shower? Come on!"

When he didn't reply, she started to get angry, but then realized her robe was open. And he wasn't looking at her face. And his eyes were pretty serious.

He looked up at her, and she blushed heavily.

"This is an invitation, Tatsu, just FYI."

Then he pulled her down and kissed her.

….

Glasses opened the door at Fubuki's place for them, looking like he was about to have a stroke.

"Hey, look, don't be so freaked out. Sorry about the last time," Tatsumaki said, trying not to look at the guy.

"It's, uh, it's fine, Ms. Tatsumaki," Glasses said, wide eyed at the very idea of Senritsu no Tatsumaki apologizing for something. He looked over at Saitama, who seemed to be mildly amused, then noticed the package floating behind them in a green aura. He swallowed nervously. "Anyway, please follow me."

They entered the main room to see Fubuki fiddling with a teapot, while the other members of the Blizzard Group hung around chattering. They quieted down when they saw their guests.

Before her sister could saying anything, Tatsumaki spoke up. "Oi, Fubuki, is this everyone who was here last time?"

Fubuki looked at her curiously. "Yes, it is."

"Well then, listen up," she replied, then took a deep breath. "My apologies for being a brat last time!" She said, bowing her head.

Dead silence. Then, "Not bad, Tatsu," as Saitama patted her on the back.

She raised her head and smiled softly at him. The members of the Blizzard Group just stared, astonished.

"Ahem," Fubuki coughed, getting everyone's attention. "On behalf of the Blizzard Group, we accept your apology, onee-chan." Then she smiled. "Come sit down and have some tea, all right?"

"Oh, and I brought this cake," the smaller esper said, floating the package over to the table. "You know, as an apology."

No one quite knew what to say to that.

"So I take it you've talked things out?" Fubuki inquired after they had sat down and gotten settled. The Group members were busily sharing the cake.

Tatsumaki glanced at Saitama, and took his hand, smiling. "Yeah, we did." She faced her younger sister with more tenderness than Fubuki had seen from her in a long time. "Thanks, imouto. You really saved me."

Fubuki looked at her older sister, amazed. "I, I'm glad onee-chan. You look happy."

"Yeah, I am. It feels pretty great," she replied. She nudged Saitama. "Hey say something."

"Huh? Ah, yeah. I'm pretty happy about this. Never had a girlfriend before, and Tatsu's totally cute."

Tatsumaki stared at him, pouting. "That's all you've got? Really?"

"Ah, onee-chan, maybe he's just…" Fubuki's voice trailed off from her worried defense of the bald hero as she noticed something.

Her sister was teasing her boyfriend.

"C'mon Tatsu. I can't give some big romantic speech about you to your sister." He shook his head and put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, then looked at Fubuki. "Sorry, this is what I've got."

Tatsumaki slugged him ineffectually, and Fubuki started laughing. "Imouto? What's the deal?"

"Nothing, it's nothing. Just glad to see you feeling better. So, what are you guys going to do now?"

"What do you mean?" Saitama asked, curious.

"Like, are you going to make a statement that you're dating? Go out and defend Saitama's reputation? Do talk shows?"

"Gross, imouto."

"No way are we doing that."

"What about all the rumors and the speculation, though?" Fubuki asked, a little worried now.

"Hmm, I don't care. I'm a hero because I want to be. I'll just keep doing what I do." Saitama shrugged.

"He's happier not caring about it, and honestly I think he's right," Tatsumaki assented. "I mean, as long as we're not actually hated, and we can get the job done, who cares? I'm not Amai Mask giving lame concerts over here." She looked over at the bald hero. "Plus, can you really see some big romantic interview going well?"

Fubuki sighed in resignation. "OK, I see your point. Can't you at least tell the Association to release a statement or something? That way they won't try to deny it when the media asks."

"Ugh, I guess. I'll tell them this week." Tatsumaki rolled her eyes.

"I just don't want to see you guys get too much trouble over this." Fubuki said.

"Thanks for worrying about us, imouto."

"Yeah. That's pretty nice of you, Fubuki." He took a sip of his tea. "I think we're fine as long as Tatsu and me are on the same page though. I've got her back."

The smaller woman fidgeted cutely in her chair. "Yeah, we'll watch out for each other. We're all heroes here, you know?"

"Yeah," Fubuki said, looking happy. "We are."

….

The next week, after multiple forceful refusals for interviews, the Hero Association announced that Senritsu no Tatsumaki was dating Saitama, B-class rank 40. Reactions were mixed among the public, but most heroes were just flabbergasted. The Terror, dating? Surely the poor guy was going to die as soon as he said something about her bad attitude. He had to be either a masochist, suicidal, or just stupid.

The next few weeks found the couple getting more positive press for wandering around and fighting monsters, and occasional shots of them out shopping or otherwise acting normal went a long way toward normalizing public opinion about them both.

For Saitama and Tatsumaki, things were good.

….

"Hahahahaha!" Senritsu no Tatsumaki laughed crazily, her eyes wide with pupils shrunk to pinpricks and her green hair flying around her face. "Survived that too, huh? Well how about this?"

Above her, almost a kilometer above ground, about ten tons of rock in the form of massive boulders ripped from a nearby canyon gleamed with an ominous green light.

As one, the boulders accelerated, far in excess of the velocity they would have attained had they simply fallen from that height. They were like meteors, each one capable of immense destruction.

And they all fell onto one five square meter patch of land.

Metal Bat covered his eyes and looked on in horror while the dust settled. He had just caught sight of the battle, and he was close enough to make out both the maniacal look on Tatsumaki's face and the calm, almost expectant one on the man who had just been mercilessly bombarded.

"Hey! HEY! FUCKING TORNADO UP THERE!" he shouted, infuriated.

"Eh?" She looked down to see the other S-class hero screaming his pompadour off at her. "What's your problem?" she asked, floating closer to him.

"My problem? MY PROBLEM? HOLY FUCK YOU LITTLE BRAT! YOU KILLED HIM!"

"What the hell are you talking about, idiot?" She frowned at him and crossed her arms with a huff. "You're interrupting here. And don't call me a brat."

"Oi, you little bitch, you mean I'm interrupting you murdering a guy in cold blood?" He struck his bat against his open palm. "I always knew you were mean as a snake, but this is some serious shit. What did he do, huh? Forget to buy you candy or something?" He shook his head and pointed at her with the bat. "I'm gonna take you down."

"Hey, bat dude, I'd rather you didn't do that. She's my girlfriend you know."

Metal Bat's mouth hung open in astonishment. The bald guy in the cape was just walking over from the crater shaking some rock out of his belt.

"It didn't even hurt, did it?" Tatsumaki asked, flying over to him with an exasperated sigh. "It's like your dumb face is invulnerable or something."

"Hey, you two," Metal Bat asked, his voice shaking.

"Yeah?"

"What is it, punk?"

"Either of you want to tell me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"

….

"So, you guys were just training?" he asked, still a little incredulous.

They were sitting at a tiny cafe on the outskirts of City Z, the closest place with air conditioning they could find.

"Tatsu wanted to go all out for a bit, so we came out here," Saitama confirmed.

Metal Bat facepalmed and drank some of his peach soda. "Well the Association guys thought it was some big monster busting things up out here, cause people could see some explosions from the highway, and I was around." He side-eyed Saitama. "That crap really didn't hurt you, man?"

"Nothing hurts this bald blockhead, apparently," Tatsumaki interjected. "You wouldn't believe the stuff I've seen him take and dish out, Bat." She idly stirred her coffee. "And I'm pretty sure he could have dodged that last one if he had wanted to." She narrowed her eyes and looked at the caped hero. "Right?"

"Eh," he scratched his head and looked away. "Maybe."

Tatsumaki rolled her eyes. "Figures."

"Oi, baldy," Metal Bat looked over at Saitama seriously. "Why are you dating this annoying brat, anyway?"

She started glowing green.

"She's totally cute. Haven't you noticed?" he replied offhand.

Her green aura faded, and was quickly replaced with a superior smirk.

Metal Bat looked at him, then at her, then took another drink and looked into the middle distance. "Whatever you're into, bro." He couldn't wait to tell Zenko about this crazy pair.

….

"You had better go get me some coffee and a snack, Suit #2, before I really start to lose my temper here," Tatsumaki announced in irritation. The bespectacled Association worker paled, then ran out of the lounge to fulfil her order.

Or maybe just get away from her.

"Ugh."

 _I thought I was getting more personable, or at least better at staying calm? Maybe everyone gets to be frustrated sometimes…_

She had had plans today. Tatsumaki, Saitama, and Genos had all been invited for lunch and a cool demonstration at Bang's dojo. She had been really looking forward to it, since she genuinely liked Bang.

He was a sincerely nice old man, never acted like a jerk, and always treated her like an adult.

Maybe a little bit like a granddaughter, too. She didn't want to actually say it out loud, but she found that comforting.

Anyway, she liked the old guy, so she had been excited to see him, particularly since Saitama had told her about the couple of times they had met already. The green haired woman was also planning to invite Saitama over that night.

So of course things had been derailed that morning when she woke up to her phone ringing, and a request to destroy some weird giant monster that had popped out of a mountain range or something.

They had flown her out there since it was far away from civilization, plus the monster was on the move anyway. When they'd finally dropped her off, they had called her not ten seconds later to come back!

 _I swear. It's like they did it on purpose!_

So she had wrecked the monster, gotten back on the plane, flown back to City A, and been escorted to headquarters.

And then they told her to wait for all the other S-class heroes to gather up for a meeting.

That had been almost two hours ago now. Her entire day had been one giant series of annoyances.

At least Saitama and Genos were on their way to the Hero Association headquarters with Bang. Her boyfriend had confirmed that by text, and she had decided not to call him just to complain while he was with the other two.

So now, she was just waiting. Not her strong suit on the best day, so she had ended up snapping at the Association guy.

The suit came back in a moment later while she was floating in the middle of the room on her back, and she went over to grab the coffee and what appeared to be not only a bagel, but also a slice of coffee cake, a bottle of water, and a sandwich.

 _I must have really scared the guy…_

"Hey, you," she said, floating down to look at him. "Thanks for this. It's been a crummy morning."

He gaped, then seemed to recover. "Uh, it's no problem, Ms. Tatsumaki. Sorry for all the trouble today." He still looked nervous.

"It's not like it was your fault or anything," she said, waving him away and grabbing the sandwich. "Let me know when Genos and Bang get here, all right?"

"Sure, I mean, yes, of course Ms. Tatsumaki! Let me know if you need anything else."

He walked out of the room somewhat calmly.

 _Is this progress?_

At least the sandwich was good.

….

She was a little irritated to see Atomic Samurai act so dismissive toward Saitama, but as usual he didn't look bothered. Still, she figured he could use a pick-me-up, so she floated over to him and gave him a hug.

"Hey Tatsu!" He hugged her back, then looked at her oddly. "That samurai guy says 37 isn't middle aged. Am I wrong, or is he?"

"I don't know why I even worry about you, you know?" She let him go and floated backward with a shrug, and nodded a hello at Genos, who returned it with a typically grave expression.

"Tatsumaki, you're looking well," Bang greeted her with one of those enigmatic old man smiles of his.

"Thanks Bang," she replied with a grin. If she were any younger she was certain he would try to ruffle her hair or something. "Sorry I couldn't make it today."

"It appears none of us could avoid work after all," he noted, gesturing for them to continue down the hallway. "Any idea what this is about?"

"Nope. Just been waiting around here for two hours. It had better not be some pointless garbage. It might be nice to see Blast though."

"Are the S-class heroes often called in for meetings like this?" Genos asked.

"Not often," Bang replied. "They can be a volatile group."

"Yeah, talk about a bunch of egomaniacs," Tatsumaki noted offhand.

All three of them stared at her with blank faces.

"What?"

….

 _Yeah. Waste of time._

So the great seer was dead, and the Association had zero idea about anything apart from a six month time scale. What was the rush exactly?

"But it could come tomorrow, or even today," Saitama noted offhand.

"You're right. Wait, aren't you Tatsumaki's boyfriend?" Sitch asked, a little perplexed.

The bald hero looked up at the ceiling, a little embarrassed. "Yeah, I am."

Then everything shook violently. A moment later, there was a far stronger tremor, and alarms started blaring crazily. At the head of the table, Sitch was now screaming that City A had been almost entirely wiped out.

While the other heroes started asking pointless questions, Tatsumaki just flew over to Saitama and caught his arm while he was in the process of standing up.

"Going somewhere?" she asked with a sugary tone and an angry expression.

"Ah, well, I thought I'd go check things out…" He looked up absently.

"All right then," she said, shaking her head. "Don't run off without me though."

"Sure thing!" he agreed, and then disappeared. She looked at the hole in the ceiling and rolled her eyes. Then she flew up after him.

"That's big," she heard him comment absently.

"Yeah, you're not wrong. Aliens, I guess?"

"Looks like it. I'll jump up and get a look at it, all right?"

He jumped without waiting for an answer, and she just flew up after him.

Then a hail of shells, each about ten meters in diameter, fired out from the craft, directly toward them and the Association building.

"Great." she halted them all in flight, and looked at Saitama. "I'll just send these back."

They detonated quite impressively against the ship's hull. Still, the thing was the size of a city, and it wasn't moving.

They landed back on the roof.

"Tatsu, I'm gonna jump over and get in there and look for their boss." He said calmly.

She wanted to go with him, she really did. But she knew it was going to be impossible for anyone else to intercept another barrage of artillery from the ship. And although it rankled to admit it to herself, she figured she might actually slow him down.

"All right baldy. Don't screw around in there, all right? Get it done and come back here. I'll try to bring this stupid ship down." The Esper crossed her arms.

"Stay safe, Tatsu," Saitama said softly.

He paused.

So did she.

Then she flew over, grabbed him, and kissed him full on the mouth.

"I love you, you idiot," she confessed, her arms tight around his shoulders.

Saitama looked at her with genuine tenderness. "I love you too, Tatsumaki. I'll be back in a hurry."

"You'd better. Your girlfriend's apartment just exploded, so she's going to need a place to sleep."

He grinned at that. "Good luck, Tatsu."

"You too, Saitama," she said, giving him one last kiss before floating away.

He looked at her for a long moment, then turned and jumped toward the ship.

It was less than thirty seconds before the other heroes showed up on the roof.

She didn't bother yelling or even really getting involved in their discussion. She was already angry enough at these idiot aliens. She didn't know why they were here, and she didn't care. They were going down.

And if Saitama got hurt? She didn't want to think it was possible. But if it happened? She would tear that damned ship in half and hurl it into the sun.

"He's already on the ship, Genos," she said absently, clenching her fists. "I'm headed out."

"Stay safe, Ms. Tatsumaki," he said, staring at the ship.

Was this the prophecy? She didn't really care. She was a hero, and it was time to do her job.

….

She'd been cruising for potential threats on the ground, finding nothing, and gathering up some rubble for ammunition when something caught her attention from the direction of the ship.

"Hey, I sense some pretty powerful psychic powers!" She paused, then shrugged. "And it's gone. Good job Saitama, I guess."

She flew over to where the only surface invader (from what she had found anyway) was engaged in a battle with Bang, Atomic Samurai, Metal Bat, Puri Puri Prisoner, and one of Samurai's little apprentices. It looked like a pretty good fight.

Then she heard an enormous blast as the aliens opened fire again, and looked up.

"It is over. Retreat... is impossible. Die!" The weird many-face freak said as the concentrated fire from the alien spacecraft fell toward the assembled heroes.

The stupid thing was grinning, like it had already won. She could almost imagine it shouting about how weak earthlings were, and how attacking here wasn't even a challenge. It looked like the type to be chatty and superior.

Tatsumaki smiled and lifted one arm.

Every single shell stopped cold.

She watched the stupid alien's face go from mockery, to confusion, and then to horror. It was pretty satisfying to see.

"Hi boys!" she said, smirking. "Looks like this guy needs a whole spaceship's worth of firepower to cheat his way out of losing to you." She made sure the creature had heard her, and watched it get angry. "No cheating, fucker."

She twirled her wrist, and the shells turned back toward the ship, and started rotating. "You can have these back now."

A curtain of fire impacted the ship, which visibly shuddered. She was pretty sure she had hit every one of the gun ports too. But just to be certain, she flew up with a few tons of debris trailing along behind her.

No point in taking chances after all.

….

"You're doing it, Tornado! The ship is listing!"

"Eh?" Tatsumaki was pretty sure she was doing a number on this alien ship, but there was a lot of it to destroy. She couldn't imagine it was coming down already.

 _Must be him. What the hell is going on up there?_

Ignoring the other heroes, Tatsumaki flew quickly upward, trying to see what had caused the ship to lose control.

Just before she made it up, a ludicrously powerful beam of energy blasted outward along the length of the ship. It took everything she had to shield the refracted part of it that almost hit her. _Oh my god. Saitama!_

Panicking, she blasted over the side of the ship. At the top, it was a wasteland of wreckage and slag. Over in the middle of it, his cape torn but apparently otherwise unharmed, was Saitama. Tatsumaki felt an immense sense of relief.

She flew closer, and heard a voice. It looked like whoever had been fighting against him.

"You're lying. You had strength to spare… I barely even fazed you…"

She heard a pained laugh from the husk as she grew closer.

"Prophecies are unreliable… you were too strong."

She met Saitama, who had turned away from the alien, and looked hollow.

"Hey," she said, worried. "You all right?" She could feel the ship shaking.

"Tatsu," he said, looking slightly better. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"What happened?" she asked, looking at the still form of the alien.

"He was looking for a challenge. Some seer told him he could find it here." The bald hero sounded depressed.

The ship trembled again, and then started to lose altitude.

"Overwhelming strength is boring, right?" she asked softly.

He didn't respond, and she gathered her courage.

"Lucky for you there are other things to care about," she said, and took his hand.

Saitama looked up at her, surprised, and then smiled. "Yeah, you're right Tatsu."

Then he kissed her, and she floated them both upward while the alien spaceship crashed to earth.

….

"You call this victory? Your incompetence amazes me!"

They overheard the argument between Amai Mask and the S-class heroes as they flew down from the sky.

They landed just as Amai Mask looked ready to fight Metal Bat.

"I protect Class A, rank 1 so no more losers like you can move up!"

"Hey, pretty boy," Tatsumaki called out, getting everyone's attention.

Mask turned to look at her, a little madness in his eyes. "What is it, Tornado? I see you didn't stop this either. The lot of you idiots-"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up?"

Amai Mask stared, shocked silent. Everyone else just watched her.

"These guys," she gestured to the other heroes, "actually did something today. They didn't show up to whine about it afterward like a little bitch. You wanna be a hero? Move up to class S and show up to the meetings."

She floated upward, crossed her arms, and looked down at him. "Otherwise go fuck yourself."

"...You know, baldy, I can kinda see why you like her now," Metal Bat offered to Saitama, who was grinning at his girlfriend.

Before things escalated further, a capsule landed nearby, and one of Metal Knight's drones emerged, ignoring all of them to investigate the fallen ship. Genos went over to confront him, while the others just watched as Tatsumaki turned her head up and floated back toward Saitama.

Amai Mask still looked pissed off, but he wasn't saying anything.

A moment later, Darkshine announced they had captured some alien prisoners.

But the heroes only saw the aliens chained up together for a few seconds before their heads flew off and blood splattered over the debris.

"Amai Mask! Why did you-" Darkshine began, floored.

"They must not live. They are evil. So I quickly delivered justice." So saying, he turned to walk away, ignoring the stares of the other heroes.

 _I need to make sure I never act anything like that jerk_ , Tatsumaki reflected.

"Master, are you all right? Did you defeat their leader?" Genos asked, once Mask had left.

"Oh yeah. He was pretty strong. Maybe the strongest I've ever faced."

"Then was this the danger to earth that the prophecy spoke of?"

"You know, I've recently learned that prophecies aren't very reliable."

Tatsumaki sighed, then remembered something. "So was there a psychic guy up there?"

"Ah, yeah. Like a weird squid guy I think." Saitama put his hands up and shrugged. "Pretty lame though, I mean he just tossed a whole bunch of pebbles at me."

"What a loser."

She was silent for a moment.

"The egg probably got incinerated, you know," she remarked.

"At least your console is safe at my place."

"And my coffee machine," she added.

"I think you mean my coffee machine," he noted gravely. "But you can come and use it whenever you want."

She smiled and slugged him on the shoulder. "Right. We're going to need a bigger place, you know."

"We?" he asked offhand, then looked at seriously. "Really?"

"Really. You should be grateful here, you know." She looked at him with a pout.

He reached out and ruffled her hair, smiling. "Don't worry, I'm grateful."

….

"Are you sure you want to live there?" Tatsumaki asked seriously.

"Why not? It's free!" Saitama replied.

"Well it would technically be my place, not yours," she noted absently. He was still in B-class after all.

"That doesn't bother me," he noted. "Plus I bet your place will be extra nice."

After the record-breaking recovery and reconstruction of the Hero Association headquarters by Metal Knight, she had been offered a free suite of apartments there. They apparently had gone all out when rebuilding.

"I have to admit, it might be nice," she agreed. Living with Saitama for the past week had been great in some ways, but the place was absolutely not for three people, or even two humans and a cyborg. When the two of them were alone together, though, it was pretty wonderful.

She had been positively giddy when they had had time alone this week.

"I believe I will receive my own living quarters there as well, Master," Genos noted. "I know you desire some privacy. But this way I will be able to remain close by for my training."

"Right," Saitama noted. "Thanks Genos."

The Esper tried to not to let her excitement show too much. This was going to be a big step, and she was really looking forward to it. She glanced over, and noticed Saitama's pleased expression. She was glad they were on the same page.

Tatsumaki wasn't sure what was coming their way next, but she was confident they could handle it together. More than that, she was looking forward to it.


End file.
